What Happened When I Decided to Commit to My Own Truth
“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” – Pema Chodron
I was ready. It was time. I wanted to live my truth.
I had spent so many years ignoring my true desires, and what was in my heart. Instead, I followed the expectations of others. My family, my partner and what I felt that society expected of me.
I had a career that was financially rewarding, but I didn’t enjoy it, and I socialized with a group of people that I didn’t feel emotionally connected to.
At the time, I felt that I got a lot in return. I felt safe, secure and a part of something. Even though, it wasn’t something that I particularly believed in, or that was a good fit for my soul. From the outside, it looked like the perfect life.
When I began to awaken to this discovery, I didn’t realize what was happening. Now, I can see I was discovering my own truth, but at the time, it just felt uncomfortable and lonely.
When I made the decision to commit to my truth completely, and live life according to my passion and purpose, I felt so much fear. All the time.
It was a long time coming, and stepping into the unknown wasn’t easy.
Deep within me, I knew that I if I didn’t listen and take the leap then, I might never take it. And, I knew the ‘perfect’ time just did not exist. I did not want to waste any more time.
While some people encouraged me, others did not. That made me more fearful. I hesitated.
I decided that even thought I didn’t know how it would turn out, and I couldn’t control the outcome, all I could do was take a leap.
I began to study to become a psychotherapist, and over time began working as a psychotherapist. My emotional self was thawing out, and I began to feel my emotions again. The good, the bad and the sad. I was healing.
During this time of transition, on the surface, my life looked the same, but I felt very different.
The way I was showing up in my life had completely changed. I had awakened to something deeply authentic in me. To my creativity, wisdom, spirit, joy and love.
I didn’t really know why I was feeling different, but I knew I wanted to keep it up. I was catching on to a new way of being that was better than the past.
I felt open to receiving my truth and all the love in the universe. I began to feel a deep sense of peace within me, and I knew everything would be ok. I trusted that. I would always show up for me.
I allowed myself to be supported during this process. Both by professionals, friends and loved ones.
Sometimes we have to struggle a long time before we awaken and listen to the truth within ourselves. I know that I did.
Everyone’s truth looks different. And you don’t have to struggle.
You may come to realize that your life no longer works for you. Your job, your relationship, your community, or a combination of these things may no longer feel right for you now.
If you’re honest, some things in your life probably haven’t felt right for a long time.
When will you commit to your truth daily, so that you are perfectly aligned with love, consciousness and joy?
When I stepped into the unknown, I felt anxious and scared. That is my truth.
And now I am free.
To create a flexible future, based on love and desire, rather than external forces.
What about you? Is it time to live what’s in your heart? Here are some considerations on the path:
1. Turn towards your difficult feelings, instead of turning away — notice when you want to distract yourself by comparing yourself to others, working too much, exercising, watching TV, socializing, or by telling yourself that you are not normal for following your new path.
2. Be patient – take as much time as you need — you’ve lived your life in a certain way for a long time, and it will take time to learn a new way of being. Don’t rush it.
3. Embrace chaos – (and there will be chaos) — you may feel out of control and directionless sometimes, and this is to be expected. Welcome chaos, and within the chaos, there will be change.
4. Feel in order to heal — be open to your experience, and all emotions are welcome. The way you feel at any time won’t last too long.
5. Allow yourself to receive – open to your vulnerability and allow yourself to be supported by loved ones and professionals — people who will listen without judgement, take time to understand your struggle and help you make sense of what’s happening for you.
I’ve learned so much during this journey towards truth. I now take time for myself every day. I’ve added breathing, yoga, meditation and mindfulness practices to my daily life. I’ve established a practice of being with my feelings and feeling compassion and love for myself. I see so much love and beauty in myself, and within others as well.
At any time, there are always new possibilities to explore. You will feel fear, and you can transcend it. When you turn towards yourself, you expand your experience of your life, start fresh and learn to live from the deepest place of love and joy inside of you.
Photo by Jenavieve