My mother and I have the traditional Hollywood mother-daughter relationship. My mother is the antagonist and I am the baby cub that simply falls in line. Sometimes I try to prove my womanhood but it really doesn’t make a difference. She will always see me as a four year old with a frog in my pocket.
My encounter with my mom involves her telling me what to do and her missile launching several random questions at me all at once. And, she will not, even if she is eating, allow me to get a word in.
She says things like: Do you have an iron? Have you gained any weight? Did you ever return that library book? Did you lock your door? When are you going to start getting allergy shots again? Does your seatbelt work? Please do not speak to strangers or pick up hitch hikers. And, please do not accept emails from strange people asking you for money online.
She knows that I purposely avoid the news because I don’t want to hear about who killed who or how horrible the economy is. I am a sensitive yogi. Somehow she manages to brief me about all natural disasters and child slayings because, “I need to know what’s going on in the world.” And, she reminds me of things I don’t want to think about like ex-boyfriends I really want to forget and my car insurance bill being due. After every Dr. OZ’s show she calls to tell me what I need to incorporate in my diet if I “really” want to be healthy.
Needless to say, I am completely in love with this woman. She’s like a movie. But, sometimes, she pushes my buttons and pulls out my ugly side. At times, she makes me want to just run away or ignore her phone calls which makes me feel guilty and sad. She’s my mom. I owe her so much for being a great one. A few occurrences have happened lately that I deem as the universe reminding me to be nicer to my mother.
1. Mindy Kaling Decided to Make Her Mother Her Best Friend
I recently watched an interview between Mindy Kaling and Rainn Wilson on soul pancake (Youtube Channel.) Kaling was asked what was the best decision she has ever made? Her reply, “When I was 18 years old I decided to become best friends with my mother. She is great with guidance and really funny…She was my true best friend until the end of her life.”
That statement moved me. I agreed with Kaling greatly because who doesn’t know you better than your mother. Kaling also advised she still feels her mother’s presence to this day. That is one of the best things I have heard in a long time. So, I’ve decided to follow a celebrity’s lead and make my mom my best friend as well!
2. Over Hearing a Woman Being Rude to Her Mother
I was out at a restaurant with a friend and we were seated at a table next to a woman and her mother. I could not help but over hear the young woman speaking to her mother. She was snappy and rude. She interrupted her mom several time. Apparently, her mother tried to tell her a story. And, the young woman quickly and abruptly advised that she heard that story. I thought to myself “Am I like that with my mom?”
Um. Yeah, it’s happened. I am never that quiet that insolent. But, I often tell her I’ve heard a story before or I get angry when she advises I shouldn’t leave the house at 7pm because it’s “too late” although I am a grown woman.
I really wanted to tell the young woman she should be nicer to her mother because you only get one. But, then I had to ask myself: Am I exceptionally patient with my mother?
3. The Movie Guilt Trip
Barbara Streisand and Seth Rogen play in a hilarious movie about a son and his mother travelling across the United States. The movie was fantastic. Streisand was the typical love-smothering mother annoying her son with questions and directives. I swear my mother helped them write it. There was a magical part of the movie when they became friends and started having a bunch of hearty fun. That’s the thing about my mom, she is so much fun. And, we have so much in common (clearly.) She loves music and art. She is full of energy. And, is truly one of the funniest people I know with the most infectious laugh. I see myself in her every single time I’m around her.
Consequently, I have decided despite how much my mother drives me crazy to humbly be more patient with her and to remember she comes from a place of love. She gave me the gift of life and love so that’s my gift to her: Pure love.
What a beautiful message, Tiff. I appreciate your honesty and that you took time to share your story. It made me cry and also think about my own relationship with my mom. Thank you.
Hi Tammy!
Yes, I was writing from a transparent place. I absolutely love my mother and my biggest goal is to just surrender and love her from a place of patience. And, I have so many friends that complain about their mothers especially as we all get older so I just had to write about it. I knew it would hit home with a few folks. Have a great day!
Probably so many daughters out there want to have better relationships with their mother – I know my wife is one! If any are reading this… ask yourself: What is the first little thing I’d notice if my relationship was brilliant?’ – the answer will lead you down a path of understanding ‘how’ you can help make it better. :)
Oh Stuart! That’s just awesome. I can write a whole new article on that very topic. How can I make my relationship with my mother brilliant, epic, life changing? Thanks for your input. :)
Thank you for this story Tiffany. We only get one mother and one father. We should treat them with care. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Also, a quote that I have on my refrigerator is relevant to this article…
1. The path is not straight.
2. Mistakes need not be fatal.
3. People are more important than achievements or possessions.
4. Be gentle with your parents.
5. Never stop doing what you care most about.
6. Learn to use a semicolon.
7. You will find love.
– Marion Winik
Candace, you are wonderful! I love this list. It’s right on time with my thoughts! Every last list is perfect. Thanks for your reply. Many Thanks! :)
Thank you so much for sharing this, I needed to read this right at this moment. I have been praying on how to apporach me and my mother’s relationship because sometimes I have a hard time relating to her. Think I’m going to rent that movie you mentioned this weekend and have a girls night in with my mom this weekend! Thanks again
Yes, Micha! Rent the movie. It’s so sweet and perfect for a mom/daughter night. I believe it’s on netflix. Also, one thing that helps me most with my mother is the age difference. I have to remind myself that she is 33 years older than me. Her experiences and mine are completely different. We see through different eyes. Both my mother and I love art, travel, history, food, crafts…so I try to stick to those topic and I am the queen of changing the subject if it gets to intense. You probably relate with your mom on a bunch of things…you never know. Good luck and thanks for your comment. :)
Hey Tiff,
I really enjoyed your article. You did really well not to focus on that girl being rude to her mother and instead think about how you treat your own mother.
I’m definitely going to be more patient with my own mother from now on and i’m sure that will improve our relationship! Thankyou
Hi Rhydian!
Thanks for your comment! Yes, before I judge her I had to look at myself and see where I needed some improvements. I’m so glad you liked my story and I hope my words help you improve your relationship with your mom! Have a great day! :)
Tiff, here’s hoping your message breathes ‘new life’ to those struggling with mother/daughter relationships. My mother was a mid-century farm wife. She was always working in the house, outside, or helping my dad in the fields. Yet, she was thoughtful and found time for little things, like turning an orange into a small jack-o-lantern to sit by my bed stand when I was sick and had to miss our classroom Halloween party. My dad died young at age 52, leaving her to care for the farm and get a full-time job. By then, my older brother had married, I was in college, and my younger brother lived at home for another year before he went into the service. Mom rented the farm land to another farmer. She eventually moved to the ‘city’ to be closer to her job, as all these responsibilities made it harder for her to commute to work while caring for five acres of lawn, a large garden, and outbuildings. Mom and I did many things together; we were so close. She worked and lived in her own home for the next 23 years, and she was as vibrant as anyone her age. But, we were to become much closer. One day, she became very ill and it would take doctors five days to reach a diagnosis of acute Guillain-Barre Syndrome. She was in the hospital for a total of 2-1/2 months and in skilled care for another two months before coming to live with my husband and me. She was never able to return to her own home. After living with us for more than five years, her medical needs became such that I was no longer able to give her the care she needed. She spent the last three years in a nursing home, but I continued to look over her care and see her twice a week. We also had a friend, who had been a trained hospice caregiver, to to visit with her two other days each week. My mother has been gone, now, for three years. She is always close in my thoughts and my heart. She taught me so much during her lifetime, she worked so hard, and she sacrificed so much for the good of her family. I will never be able to repay her for all the things she did for me, or for all the things she taught me. I never imagined, though, that I could continue to learn from her every day, even though she has passed from this life. That is an everlasting gift without earthly measure. Cherish your mothers, everyone. Time runs out too quickly, no matter how much time you think you might have left. My mother’s birthday was yesterday; she would have been 90 years old. May God Bless.
Hi Mary Lou!
“I will never be able to repay her for all the things she did for me, or for all the things she taught me. I never imagined, though, that I could continue to learn from her every day, even though she has passed from this life. That is an everlasting gift without earthly measure.”
Thank you for writing these words and sharing your story. Your mother sounds like a wonderful beautiful soul. And, I will take your advice and love love love my mother and simply cherish her! Bless you too! :)
This made me giggle and just warmed my heart. You did such a great job illustrating life with a mom as a grown woman. :) Thank you for the chuckle and the reminder of how amazing and genuine (and opinionated hehe) moms can be and for making me pause to be grateful for her unconditional love and beautiful soul.
Hi April!
You are very welcome. I love to make people laugh. Yes, there is nothing like an opinionated mother. I have to always remind myself that it’s a gift that she even cares. Some people do not have mothers or ones that actually care. Have a great day and thanks for your comment. :)
Oh my. This post is just precious. Thanks for the sweet words.
Hi Meegan!
You are a sweetie! Thanks for commenting, Meegan! As always, I love your blog!
Thank you for your article, I can relate as well. My mother is my best friend. I talk to my mother daily and most days more than once, she has been my rock through teenage pregnancy and a very abusive relationship. She knows the right things to say and just when to say them, I truly don’t know where I would be without her. Yes, there are times when I would like to avoid phone calls but that would be a day or moment I would not get back with her. And there was a time in my life during the relationship I was in, that I was kept from her and I regret that. So again thank you for your article and to all the beautiful mothers in the world.
Hi Shannon!
You are very welcome. Your mother sounds like your rock. God knows who we need and where to send us. Having a wonderful mother is such a blessings. Thanks for your comment. Many Thanks!
I don’t think there’s anyone who won’t relate to this, Tiff. We start to see our parents as people with the same emotions we have, not just people who play roles in our lives.
One of the things that helped me process with my own mom was imagining her as a child, in the relationship with her own mother. Everyone learns their behavior from somewhere, and seeing your parents as vulnerable and on “the receiving end” of what you THINK they’re giving you makes it so much easier to be more patient and loving…even when they make us crazy.
Thanks for a fun piece,
Larry
That’s such a great perspective to see from. My mother takes care of my grandmother and it is actually hilarious to watch them. Some times they get fussy with one another and it really does remind me of my mother and I. You are so right!
Thanks for your comment. Have a awesome day.
I absolutely love this post. It was definitely very helpful for me to hear! I’m only 18 and the past few years have been such a trying battle with my parents (especially my mother). I love my parents more than anything and appreciate them for all that they have done/continue to do for me. But I feel my relationship with my mom growing distant, so I am going to follow your lead and try and make her my best friend. Thank you so much for the inspiration! xx
I love you Mia! Thanks for saying that. Yes, although we are all getting older our parents still look at us as children (in some instances.) I encourage you to make your mom your best friend. It’s been awesome for me so far. Hugs.
Tiff,
Your post made me chuckle several times. It also took me on a roller coaster ride of emotions.
My relationship with my Mom has been a little different. I didn’t “have” to make her my best friend — she and I always have been so from the beginning. I don’t know if it was an unconscious effort, but we fell into the same wavelength and a very (overall) harmonious and fun relationship.
Yes there were fights and my teenage tantrums and what not. She’d always counsel me over friends, boys, studies, life…pretty much everything and anything when there was absolutely a need to. I never saw her losing her calm over things that some moms would perhaps shudder at ;) Lol.
In short, she let me learn my own “lessons” and was (and is) always there as a gentle guide and a best friend. Always.
I LOVE her for that.
Thanks for the lovely post and hello to your mom from DownUnder ;)
Pooja
Thanks Pooja!
You are a wise woman! I think it’s beautiful that your mother has been your best friend from the start. That’s awesome. And, I will tell my mother hello for you! Give Thanks! :)
You never know when you will no longer be able to pick up the phone to share good news, ask a question ,or just to chat. Soak up all the knowledge you can from your Mother. Life is short.You will miss her one day ! I do.
Thanks Tiff for this wonderful reminder. My Mum is a little like yours..now I have gone through the divorce process she feels like she has to step in and put my reins on while I totter towards a new phase in my life. I need to take your advice and see she is coming from a place of love and caring but gently remind her I can take care of myself as well. It is a real challenge as in a traumatic situation we need all the support we can get, but we also need boundaries which will help us grow stronger. I think I’m almost there with Mum. Some days I think what difference will it make to me if she insists on doing my washing up, is it really that important. Only a small thing. She isnt taking over, she’s helping. I believe we can overthink sometimes and forget to see the action for what it really is, just a bit of TLC. Thank you x