I was never the “cool” kid in school. I was an angst-ridden band geek, and my only friends were the “smart kids”. Over the years my personality has definitely gone through some major changes. As I started to understand how to overcome the fear of who I am and find my most magnetic qualities, I’ve also learned quite a bit about people in general.
As part of my Personal Power II project that I’m working on, one of the things I’ve started incorporating into my daily routine is power questions. One of my questions that I’ve been using in order to make changes in my life is “what makes me attractive”?. Everyday I come up with different answers and the idea is at the end of 30 days my brain will make a connection between being awake and all these states. Today, when I was asked myself that question, the answer I came up with was making people feel good about themselves.
I think that one of the greatest things you can do to attract people to you like a magnet is to make people feel good about themselves. Why doe this work? It’s simple. It’s basically a neuro-association at work. People connect and associate good feelings to you after a while. Let’s look at some practical tips on how you can do this.
1. Leave a Comment on Their Blog (if they have one).
This is something that doesn’t take long and believe it or not it can make somebody’s day, especially if the person is a fairly new blogger. Make sure it’s a well articulated positive comment instead of just saying it’s a nice post.
2. Send them an Email.
I’ve started to get at least one email a week with somebody telling me they appreciate my blog and have found it really makes my day. It’s really great to hear that and I feel compelled to do something nice for those people because they’ve made me feel good.
3. Tell someone you appreciate their friendship.
I don’t think we express our gratitude for our friends enough. We’re so caught up in our world of information overload, that we forget a small gesture expressing your appreciation for somebody can really go a long way. Friendship is one of those things that we really shouldn’t take for granted, but too often do.
4. Write Something Nice About them on their Facebook Wall.
It’s funny, but feel like the only time we really go out of our way to say something nice on Facebook to somebody is on their birthdays. Imagine if you wrote something nice on all of your closest friends walls for the next 30 days. You’d be spreading a lot of positive energy.
5. Compliment Them on Something Unique.
Unfortunately compliments have gotten to a point where they can be a bit insincere and seem as if you are saying them just to get something. So, if you do decide to do this, then make sure it’s something really unique that you are complimenting somebody on.
6. Radiate Warm Positive Energy.
This is something that is kind of an unspoken thing and something that you just give off. There are things you can do to control your own energy, which really are just a function of focusing your own mind on all the positive things in your life. I think all people give off an energy or a vibe and I think all other people can sense that. Whether you have ever talked to me or not, just from reading my writing you form certain impressions about me on an unconscious level. As a result you’re either drawn to me or not.
7. Participate in a High Adrenaline Activity Together.
A few nights ago I was watching a documentary called This Emotional Life. In one part of the documentary, there was a couples therapist who was doing research in what makes people bond. One of the interesting things he discovered was that those couples who tended to participate in a an exciting activity together tended to have more affection towards each other. To me, this isn’t a particularly brilliant insight. It’s basic conditioning at work. Do something that makes you feel good and you’ll connect it to the other person. That is why I love the idea of somebody catching their first wave when they’re with me because I know that their life will be changed forever, and they’ll link that up with me :).
All of this really is about being sincere and genuine. If this is done in such a way that it comes across manipulative, then it won’t work at all.
I remember reading once that you aren’t BORN with a magnetic personality (though some are), but that you can DEVELOP it. This gave me great hope, because I’ve always envied those people who make you feel great when they walk into the room.
You’re right on about giving people compliments. A couple years ago I made a commitment to compliment anyone and everyone when I liked something about them. Now I’ve gotten so good at it that I’ll approach a complete stranger and tell them I think they’re pretty or that I like their shoes, etc.
I also make it a point to let the people in my life know what I love about them. “I love how you are so good at organizing…” etc.
One thing I hadn’t thought of doing is asking myself “power questions”. That’s a terrific idea – it makes you think about what’s great about you, which makes you feel good and then you shine.
Love this!
Thanks Maria. I know what you mean about envying people who made you feel great the second you walked into a room. I felt kind of the same way you did about it. I think that we all give off an energy and that how we think of ourselves actually is communicated in our energy. That energy can be extremely magnetic once developed and of course questions are a great way to reinforce that positive energy.
What an amazing way to start your day! This sounds like it would be so helpful and beneficial on every level. Thank you!
Srinivas, I LOVE your central point in this blog – that attractiveness is found within, not from some external source. I see people every day trying to be more attractive by copying other people or trying to be something they’re not, like all those poor women in Hollywood whose faces are stretched beyond recognition. Your suggestion, to find our existing attractiveness and work on bringing it out, is how we all can become beautiful.
I love your tips and your warmth!
Melinda
Hi Melinda,
Thanks so much. As far as Hollywood goes, I live in Los Angeles so I see what you are talking about firsthand. Magnetism and charisma is a goal that I’ve been trying to reach. It’s only as I’ve gotten older that I’ve realized all of it something that comes from within us. It’s largely a mental projection of what you are thinking on the inside.
I agree. And I think it’s also what you talk about – finding our true assets and really stepping into them. For example, I’m an introvert and I used to try to force myself to socialize like and extrovert. But once I started enjoying my introvertedness I became much more comfortable and “attractive” in social settings.
Love your thoughts, keep sharing them!!
Melinda
The first way to be attractive is to be yourself. you shouldn’t be trying to impress others. It’s like you should be free and expressive about your views. I’ve a lot of friends now, but there was a time when I was a timid little dumbo.
Then I started being me. I stopped telling myself ‘what will this girl/guy think of me if I did or said this or that’ and I also began to notice and appreciate good things in people around me. Though, some people, no matter how honest you maybe, take it as flatters, there are people who are actually carving to be appreciated because not everyone does that. Then you become attractive. Simple, dough.. :)
I’ve been working on my people skills for a few years now. I’ve realized in my later years one of my problems has been being me. I grew up in a family that had terrible communication patterns and still do. I know I’ve lost a lot of friends over my life because of stupid attitudes and not filtering what I say. Now that I’ve gotten rid of critical aspects of my personality, I want to work on achieving that wonderful presence that others so easily have. I haven’t won any new friends so far, just acquaintances. I don’t know how to move them into closer friendships, and on occasion I still feel like I still screw up and repel people. Anyone have advice for a female in in her late 30’s?
I would love to know how one enjoys being an introvert in social situations. For me, it is always uncomfortable so much that I avoid them because it starts the ‘oh I’m so quiet bla bla bla” phase. Unless I’m drinking then I’m a totally different person I think, but I’m not a big drinker now because I’ve grown up. LOL
I used to get harassed as a kid growing up because I was probably quiet and I matured before the other kids. Unfortunately, it did a number on me and I was always quiet. I do think I’m quite beautiful except for my teeth and my weight, which I can fix, but even when I felt picked on I was thin, gorgeous, and “top heavy”. It didn’t matter how pretty I was. Then in high school I started hanging out with the more popular girls until my bestie in the group got pregnant and suddenly “they” didn’t like me anymore and tried to avoid me. Back at square one. It came and went all through corporate life and now I’m back to square one facing all my friends from high school being uncomfortable yet again. When does it stop? I don’t want to be an introvert. I’m most comfortable that way, but life doesn’t work that way if you want successful lifestyle. (a lot more has to do with that, but I didn’t want to write a book.)
its true with me as well. i was also similar type of person before trying to impress people so that i will get good friends or they will accept me more. but later i realised that the more e accept ourselves, the more we love ourselves things automatically change. it becomes an entirely new world altogether
so True Srinivas , especially point 3 and 4, they do work like magic :)
Have you read How to Win Friends? That is a book that should be required reading in high school. The author lays out exactly what you said in the post (minus the comments on blogs and emails considering it was written in the 1930s :-) Good job updating the timeless wisdom in his book to make sense today.
I will be following you on the SkoolOfLife – glad I found it!
Katie,
Thanks. Glad to have you as a new reader over at The Skool of Life. I really wish that they had given us that book to read in high school. My life would have been very different in my early 20’s if they had. I think Jaky also made a great point above about just being yourself. One thing I read recently on a forum that I belong to is that when you stop wanting anything from anybody then you become really magnetic because that’s the truest of who you are at the roots.
Can I add an 8th? Follow through on what you say you will do. Very few people have the”follow through gene”. When you say “I will introduce you to…..”. Do it! People will be drawn to the person who does what they say they will do!
Thom,
Agreed. When people follow through on what they say they will do it makes us see them in a very good light. We all have people who are flaky in our lives, so it’s always refreshing when somebody is not.
Making people feel good about themselves is so rewarding. As a lifestyle designer and healthy living author, I love to encourage people to live better and seek self-acceptance. It’s so wonderful to be a part of their journey as they discover what’s truly miraculous about themselves!
Best,
Cailen
writer, blogger, author
Cailen,
Absolutely. I think that when you make people feel good about themselves you are basically investing your time and your thoughts into positive energy and as a result you start to give off positive energy. Sounds kind of new agey, but I think there’s alot of truth to it.
That was truly heart warming . Indeed the way to create some magic, by sharing it :-) Loved the list. .The first points and the one of being warm. Thanks for a great list
When i respond to blogs like this, i usually try to show how wise i am in the particular area and ask questions if I’m not. But what you said was profound. Sending people emails of how you apprentice there work, does come in handy.
it breaks the ice and if it’s pure honesty, well you have just made a friend. This is the best way to create networking partners and be more human at the same time. Because sometimes we forget, even though we are typing. We are more the same than we are different.
Yeah, email is amazingly simple and yet we forget how powerful it can be. One thing I read somewhere that can really take it up another level is sending a handwritten thank you to somebody. I think it was Scott Stratten who mentioned that.
Thanks for the article. I like it.
Srinivas, what a life-changing article! If everyone read this and lived it what a different world we would have.
I especially love #2 and 4! Sending someone something in writing about how much you appreciate them or how special they are is like giving them a gift. And another thought is to send it via old-fashioned snail mail on occasion. Most people only ever receive junk or bills. What a wonderful surprise to find a thoughtful and kind letter instead.
I’ve only known a handful of truly warm people, and they are the in my opinion the most extraordinary, loving people I’ve ever known. They give others the gift of unconditional love and complete acceptance.
Great blog! I’ve just found you and will be a regular. Thank you!
Great ideas! For a while I texted my husband a specific reason about why I love him everyday and I thought that brought us closer. I think when you focus on other people’s good qualities, they inadvertantly do that too. I’ve written randomly to my nieces and nephew and told them how much I love them and they seemed shocked and ask: “what makes you tell us that now?”
Then would you like to teach me how to surf? I’ve done bogey boarded and got hurt doing just that. I am afraid to try surfing. And also I just heard about a surfer getting his leg bitten off by a shark.
ky
it was greatly charming…
i have such a bad personality that i don’t even know most of my relatives. I always think how to start a conversation, I mean “hi, how are you” “i’m fine” then what should i do carry on conversation.
There is this book you would really like, it explains how to talk to people… it’s called “How to talk to anyone”. Goes into detail about his and super helpful!
Dear Srinivas,
Reading this article was such a pleasure and it was put forward in such a simple way that i could relate myself to it.. your article was a very inspiring …
thank you for these wonderful tips.. god bless…
That is so true about giving off positive energy! I noticed when I’m in a good mood and just feeling like I want to hug everyone, people look at me and smile or even come up and talk to me. I might not even be smiling but just feeling love. lol :)) very magnetic!
very good post full of inspiration .I am very glad by reading this.Please tell me some more tips to improve my personality.
Personality development is all I need.
My personality is some kind of 75% introvert & 25% extrovert.
Cool article. Everyone needs to find new ways to constantly develop skills that help build your magnetism. I like your ideas because I have employees who need to feel uplifted and positive about the daily duties.
Mr.MakingUsmile
The power questions sound awesome! I’ll have to do something like that soon, too.
I already have the three suggestions you do in your everyday life implemented, but the things you can do on the internet hit me hard. I’m not very good at being social, so commenting on a blog or emailing a person or posting something on their facebook wall really isn’t my cup of tea. Honestly, it makes me nervous. I have social anxiety disorder, and while I’ve managed to cultivate coping skills in my physical life, I don’t have the same coping mechanisms in my online life (as I’m typing this my foot is twitching like crazy from nerves XD).
But maybe I can incorporate that more in my online presence and learn some new coping skills. Thanks for the great post! Have a good one!
This is what I really need. Being magnetic is essential in both social and professional life.
Thanks so much, this article was extremely helpful, I’ve been trying to find tips on being magnetic but nothing was so clear and well written.
I’ve been trying to be magnetic for a while now and this article is really what I needed to know what I wasn’t doing right. I’ll make sure to leave nice, sincere comments on people’s blogs :)
PS: thanks for the “adrenaline” tip, I’ll make sure to use it
A magnetic personality? Empathetic meaning kind and considerate; encouraging through praise; comical; interested in ALL peoples not for the quest of monetary gain…I am describing my parents however, these traits have not worked well for myself especially as I age. The WW1 and 2 generations had a much more wholesome spiritual approach to life than Baby Boomers on down.
Thanks for these great tips. I, too, was a band geek, and I still have insecure moments. After reading your post I feel empowered to become more magnetic.