I carried all my worldly belongings, in disheveled cardboard boxes, out to the car in the chilly Tahoe weather.
Carting all your possessions out to the car when your relationship is on the rocks can be one of the most painful experiences because it is fraught with dreams, memories, and reflections of happier times together.
I would only realize later that this fateful day was the beginning of a separation that ultimately led to our divorce.
My Lowest Point in Life
Nearly a decade ago, I married the woman I believed was my soulmate. Living together with the many ups and downs of marriage was a challenge. Realizing that we weren’t good for each other and should move on was something I never wanted to come to terms with.
The following days and months were considerably colder and more frigid than the Sierra air on the day of my move. My world continued to spin out of control as I tried to hold on to regular daily activities, work, and simply survive each day. I had to work through and get past the self-pity, loathing, uncontrollable tears, sadness, and pangs of suicidal thoughts.
My marriage was broken.
The person I had spent a good portion of my life with was no longer in it.
The life that began after the move was a new one. And it began where all great change and growth begins – at the absolute lowest point in my life.
In the following few months, I moved in with strangers, quit my job, left my rental, and traveled around Central America for a period of soul-searching and self-reflection.
After the move and the travels, I found myself single, unemployed, and without an official address. ‘Home’ was the couch at my brother’s place and friends’ homes around the state.
My illustrious triumph each day was simply waking up and doing something. Anything.
I didn’t take this separation or divorce lightly. It came as a life-crushing and soul-tearing experience. Somehow, I had to dig myself out of this very low place in my life…
Of course, now, I realize this has been the greatest period of growth and development. Through the months of isolation, waterfalls of tears, and periods of self-loathing and doubt, I had survived it.
7 Ways I Survived My Life’s Lowest Point
1. Every day counts.
I had to realize that to get out of this horrible place I was in, I had to take it one day at a time. If I thought about the situation as a whole or what my divorce meant to my life in general, it would weigh me down and paralyze me.
Do this: Start taking small actions daily. It could be as simple as doing the daily routine of brushing your teeth and having breakfast, followed by completing even the smallest of tasks. Do the very minimum. Don’t focus on the past or future or reflect on the gravity of your circumstances or situation.
One task at a time. One day at a time.
My minimum every day was doing a little bit of exercise. Making it through a workday without breaking down was a success.
2. Being down doesn’t mean you’re out.
When I felt knocked down, I thought that I was ejected from the game of life. I thought I had lost three video game lives and it was ‘Game Over’.
Then I realized that the most painful thing in your life doesn’t mean the end of the world for you or anyone else. Others had survived even more traumatic, painful and unimaginable grief and loss.
People had lost their parents, their spouses, and even their children through tragedies and traumatic life events but still found the power to go on.
Cancer patients and others with terminal illnesses have found the strength to go on.
Those who have experienced floods, tornadoes, and earthquakes have had to find the courage to rebuild their houses and their lives.
Being at your worst point is a temporary condition. I didn’t think it could get better, but it did. Sometimes, I felt like I fell back a few steps on a daily basis, but over time I was becoming stronger.
Do this: Look at past situations in your life when you failed or found yourself in a slump due to events out of your control. Did you move forward? Did you survive?
Most likely – yes!
Use your positive past experiences and ability to overcome setbacks to remind yourself that you can overcome them again.
3. Accept life’s circumstances. You don’t have control over everything.
For me, this was one of the more agonizing lessons to learn. Once upon a time in my professional work as an attorney, I learned that you can take the unknowns out of many situations by putting the terms in the contract. You can minimize risk and ensure limited damages when the unexpected happens.
But in life, you don’t have that control. Realizing that, as someone who had workplace success and was able to create certainty in so many other areas of life, was a hard lesson.
Sometimes, you have to let go. You have to accept life events unfolding in front of you as they are. You can wish your circumstances were different, but learn to accept the circumstances you’re facing.
You can’t change some circumstances.
Accepting life circumstances is the first step to alleviating pain and improving conditions. But you can’t make progress when you don’t accept the circumstances, or situation, in the first place.
It took me a while to realize that the separation was real and the divorce was pending.
Only once I could accept that my personal life was out of my control could I take the steps to re-arrange the puzzle of my life. Only then could I stop blaming. Only then could I heal.
4. The gift of unlimited spiritual growth and clarity.
I thought I had been a rather spiritual person before my world seemed like it collapsed on me. I prayed, meditated, and spent time self-reflecting. I tried to connect myself more with the universe around me.
Then, divorce happened and I tried to use all my spiritual tools to help me through it.
That’s when I realized that my spiritual practices may have been helping me connect with the universe and God, but they were not allowing me to understand myself.
That’s when the walls of spirituality started to collapse.
I was focused on my soul but had forgotten myself as a person.
I couldn’t just sit back and only pray or meditate. I had to come to terms with my personality, characteristics, and habits so I could start to improve as a person.
Self-development became a spiritual practice as I confronted my anger, judgment, and ego. I learned that a practical spiritual practice was loving more each day, showing more compassion to people, always forgiving others, and being thankful for everything I have
These discoveries and realizations occurred only when a devastating life event caused me to seek more of the answers within myself.
5. You can start from scratch when you’ve lost it all.
Often times you dream, plan and want to create the life you want to live.
Sometimes– only when things crash and burn– you can truly start over.
A job loss, a death of a loved one, a bankruptcy, and yes, even a divorce, will give you the opportunity to start again.
You can start again and design the life you want.
I’ve now had more time to reflect on my priorities and my values. I’ve changed locations to suit my lifestyle more. I’ve shifted careers to be more at peace.
When the life you know crumbles in front of you, you can more meaningfully and thoughtfully choose the life you want to live.
Ask yourself what type of lifestyle you want to have:
- What does your dream lifestyle look like?
- How do you want to make a difference in the world?
- What is important to you and how much time do you want to spend doing that?
- What will you focus your time and attention on? What truly matters to you in life?
6. Happiness isn’t the destination but the journey.
I used to think I was creating a life to be happy someday. Not today.
Upon hitting my low point, it was time to reflect and redirect.
When you feel sadness and pain, it happens in the moment. I was washed over by both when I was going through a divorce but it got me thinking, “Can’t I also find happiness in the moment?”
I realized that it was possible and easier than suspected.
Do not say you want to be happy “one day.” You have that power this very moment.
The power of your happiness lies in your power to make choices.
Make these choices that will bring you happiness:
- Spend more time with people who bring you happiness and less time with people who don’t.
- Do work that makes a difference and brings you joy.
- Spend more time for hobbies and leisure in your life.
See, you don’t have to wait until you’re happy. Just start doing things that make you happy. Spend more time each day on activities and people who make you happy.
Enjoy happiness in that moment and before you know it, happiness will snowball into your life.
7. Vulnerability increases authenticity and compassion.
I used to be terrified of opening myself up to friends and family. I never wanted to seem less than my best self.
After going through something so traumatic and painful, my life completely opened up to everyone.
Once I came to terms with what I went through, I gladly share it with others. Sharing my pains and struggles allows me to live a more authentic life. There’s no more false pretense to uphold.
There is a liberation in being who you are – faults, flaws, failures, and all.
It took me a while on my journey to get there, but instead of getting negative or having self-pity, I found empathy, understanding, and deeper connections with friends and family.
Being vulnerable and exploring my life this way has also allowed me to be a more compassionate person. Once you can appreciate your own struggles and pains, you can relate to the tears, sadness, and pain.
When tragedy strikes, your life hasn’t ended.
It’s just begun.
Has one of your life’s most challenging circumstances resulted in your growth and development? Please share your thoughts and stories in the comments below.
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76 thoughts on “7 Life-Changing Lessons From My Lowest Point in Life”
I am at a low point in my life. I have recently found out that the long distance relationship between my husband and I has been fraught with lies. He no longer has use for me especially since his Visa application failed in May. There was information on the Refusal Notice that he did not tell me. I have recently had our baby and found out that he has a lot more children as well as a girlfriend. I feel hurt and stupid for trusting him. But everyday is a new day and it’s getting better. I was homeless and managed to find a little place. My degree gives me some hope that there is better out there somewhere. I do feel hopeless at times but I have an instinctive feeling that beyond this my future is bright.
You ‘feel hurt and stupid for trusting him’… what has happened says a lot more about his character than it does about yours. Your trust and faith in someone is a reflection of where humanity should be. His behavior is a reflection of the dark abyss of where humanity has headed for far too long. Keep your head up, have faith in yourself. You have emotional strength and perserverence that you never knew existed. Afterall you’re a mother now, you don’t know it yet, but you are a super hero. You are a tiger – learn how to roar.
Thank you. Your words are very encouraging and I will keep on until I ROAR!!!
Kate I IIke the way you think.
Hey i know it’s been 4 years but i am wondering if it has gotten better since ?
I am sorry to hear about the circumstances you’re experiencing, Veronica. It seems like a very difficult place to be but glad to see you see this as temporary, that you understand you start new each day and that you’re finding gratitude in the things that are going well in your life. My own personal growth and greatest life lessons came out of my life’s lowest points.
Thank you for sharing your story with so much vulnerability and strength. You’re right – your future is bright!
Thank you for your kind words and insightful post.
Vishnu, thank you for your advice.
Thank you for such a well written article on the subject. It was nice to read things like happiness isn’t the destination but the journey. I find so often we can focus on the immediate attainment of happiness and lose sight of the happiness we do have in that very moment. I recently wrote about a similar topic in my post: http://wildestlife.com/courage-amidst-challenge-musings-from-a-recovering-perfectionist/
What you have been through must be very challenging an tough and I can only imagine.
I was betrayed and I can relate to what you feel.
I was also hurt and feel stupid.
I hope you will find a way, at least to survive it first.
What an honest and vulnerable post, Vishnu.
Forgiving yourself for ‘doing nothing’ is showing yourself compassion. Sometimes, self-help teaches you what you can do to feel differently, feel better, or just feel something. But sometimes? Just letting yourself feel like crap and live with it for a while works.
Thank you for your comments, Razwana. Yes, embracing the low point and the feelings that come with it are steps to healing. Only when we hit that point do we come to terms with accepting the situation, acknowledging what is and starting our growth process.
Glad you liked the post and thank you for your feedback.
the harder you hit rock bottom – the higher you bounce
That’s some real wisdom there: short, to the point and true!! :)
that only work if you are made of rubber… i wish i could see things in a positive way, but my life’s fall began as soon as i was born, and its coming to an end without ever finding any proof that happiness has ever been possible to achieve. I just came here to try to find some comfort and think that i might not be in so deep psychological pain, but instead, it had the reverse effect, and i just cant fix my life so broken financially, emotionally, socially. i am just counting my days and living on the future.
that was beautiful! Thanks
“Use your positive past experiences and ability to overcome setbacks to remind yourself that you can overcome again.” For me, this is the most important sentence in your article. It is a gentle reminder that no matter how dire my current circumstances may seem at the moment, I can find a solution and move forward. Thank you for the reminder.
Thanks Chas, we’ve done it before, we can do it again. Usually we dwell in the past and the problems of the past. If we didn’t dwell so much on the difficulties but how we got through them, that will help us stay motivated, inspired and give us the strength to face the problems that we’re facing today.
Thank you for the comment.
An inspiring, motivational post, Vishnu. Low points come in every one’s life . The progression of life is not linear but cyclical. It is entirely upto one how one responds to the situation. Having been betrayed in love, I was frozen into inaction and depression. It took me years to come out of the pit. What helped me to get over the trauma was some of the suggestions enumerated in the above post particularly #3 and #4. Spirituality helps one understand the transitoriness of relationships and need to anchor oneself in the everlasting – the God.
hi Mahavir – thank you for your comment. Glad the post resonated. #3 and 4 were big for me too.
I know what you went through was difficult and heart-breaking as I did but this experience has led me to be very grateful for the gifts it gave me as well – self-knowledge, growth, insights and development as a person. I’m now better able to handle changes that come my way and like you mentioned, it expanded the spiritual dimension of my life. Would I want to go through this again? lol probably not. Am I grateful that I did? Yes!!
Thanks for sharing your experience.
‘Sometimes– only when things crash and burn– you can truly start over’ – this statement of yours is just everything that makes a difference to a broken heart. I also have a broken marriage after just 3 months of marital life.
What puts us in awkward position is when we gauge ourselves comparing to an ‘ideal life’ that we think most of the others are living, and ponder on the question ‘Why me??’.
I have also come to the point now that its really all about my inner self. Connecting to ourselves is the best way to overcome these downs in life.
I’m sorry to hear about your situation, Shreya, and can understand the situation you went through. Including the comparisons to others and judgments by others.
I asked that question for a bit, “Why Me” but I’ve found that the questions we ask ourselves also matter. “Why me” tends to be answered in very negative and disempowering ways. I’ve found for myself that asking questions like, “What can I learn from this?”, “what does this experience have to teach me?” “what can I be grateful for in this situation?” to be a little more inspiring.
And the lessons from this experience are profound and life long. Not too much can shake me up anymore. I can embrace any kind of extreme changes. The experience has cultivated compassion and empathy. I understand what is really important in life now and how small things don’t matter as much.
And like you, been able to do all this inner work. What happened may have been sad I also feel thankful for these life-changing lessons. Oh and one other thing – the ideal life we think others are having is usually not that ideal – everyone has their own problems, difficulties and journeys.
We’ve just got to focus on our own. right:) ?
Yes Vishnu. You are right. And i have stopped asking that question to myself eventually and now am really at a better place and in a way thankful for all that happened. After all i now really have a life to live :)
I have just grown to this person who makes a conscious effort to be a better human every day and being glad about it. And you are right nothing can really shake us up. Not very disastrous but I injured my knee while playing, underwent a surgery just recently and family, friends are surprised at how calmly i have dealt with it. Nothing can really shake us. Just living with the desire to live a life with a purpose.
Thanks for sharing where you are now and happy to hear how far you’ve come, Shreya. When we turn our pain into gratitude, our difficulties become our lessons. Our problems, our teachers.
Wishing you continued growth and success.
Thank you for your encouraging words Vishnu. Wish you a successful purpose driven life.
I believe that the lowest points in our life are quite important. Many times we fall into our comfort zone and are not willing to have a deep understanding of our problems. The small issues and problems troubling and creating vaccume. Challenges in life push us to have a deeper perspective. They make us stronger, empathetic and peaceful. Above all challenges help us to deepen our faith.
Amen – agreed with all that you said, Deepti. Since we can’t avoid losses, defeats, failures and challenges, let’s use them to propel our best life. Nothing shakes us up and helps us grow as much as our lowest points.
Thanks for writing such an honest and authentic post. The advice you provide is simple and incredibly effective. I can see many similarities too my own experience and I congratulate you on crafting your message so eloquently.
Revealing how much my own divorce rocked my world has been my biggest fear but also the source of a new perspective on life. I wish you all the best for the future.
Lee – we do have similar stories. Glad you’ve also made the journey back to a new perspective and growth. And excited to have checked out your writing and blog. Hope to keep up with you there. Thanks for your comment!
Very moving article. I’m sorry you were at your lowest to begin with, but I’m happy that you used it as a strength and a wake-up call. I wrote on that subject (http://bit.ly/1mm0LvP) and it’s so inspiring to see examples how people used something which seems tragic at first towards bettering their life.
Also I love this part – “Being down doesn’t mean you’re out”. It’s so simple and the glimmer of hope a lot of people need.
Enjoyed checking out your post, Phil – do you want to be the victim or the victor? great question to ask ourselves. Nope, being down doesn’t mean you’re out – in the boxing rink and in life.
Glad you liked the post and thank you being the light of hope to others through your writing.
I think you really hit the nail on the head when you said that the life you know crumbles in front of you. The hardest part for me when my relationship ended was letting go of my own life. It wasn’t just about losing the other person, it was losing who you were with them. Your life entangled with memories and friends and plans, has now become about you being a survivor and having to essentially be born again in to a new life while pretending to retain some semblance of the old one. I’m sorry for anyone that’s had to endure that kind of heartache but it really does wear down the edges of a person. It makes you softer and easier and more compassionate. I’m glad that I’m not the only one.
THank you for sharing your story, Cheyenne. I get the feeling you’re talking about – of trying to figure out who you are without the person, to reshape your identity once again, and to start getting clearer about yourself and your life. The pain of heartache is no fun, but it really has added to our growth hasn’t it? Feels like our hearts were broken but we’ve had life breakthroughs because of our heartache. YOu’re definitely not the only one and sharing our stories will hopefully help others realize that we’re in the same boat with them.
Very well written. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I could relate to some of the experiences myself as well. What also helped me was a strong support structure in the form of my family and my closest friends.
I wish you all the very best for the future.
Thanks Virag – appreciate your comments. A strong support system of friends and family during rough patches in excellent advice. I wish I had done more of that (cultivating these relationships) during this difficult time but I didn’t which probably made things even harder than they were. But I hope this article and your comment helps others on their path.
Thank you for your good wishes and support.
Like most everyone commenting here, I had a failed marriage as well. But I’m looking at this post from a different perspective. I’m “stuck” as to what I want to be doing for a business, trying to discover exactly what it is that I want to do to help people. When you say “You can start again and design the life you want.” it really spoke to me. Just because I’ve invested a lot of time, energy and — yes — money in one particular direction, it doesn’t mean I have to stay on that path.
You’ve inspired me to take a good long look at where I am and where I want to be.
Hi Brenda – thanks for sharing your experience and adding to the conversation.
YOu don’t have to have to have lost it all in life to start over. Even when you’ve given it your all, you can start over.
Evaluating how things went, looking at what worked and what didn’t, and making the necessary changes only helps propel us for future growth and success (in relationships and business)
Our intuitions are our best guides to help guide us to where we need to go. As well as our joys – whatever it is you’re doing that doesn’t feel like work – do more of that:) Even if doesn’t relate directly to a business, I’ve found that doing what I enjoy doing has helped guide me to the right destination.
Thanks for sharing, the same happened to me in 2009 after my husband was diagnosed with bipolar. None of us knew then the severity of it. I too hit rock bottom with the the highs and lows of the illness. I woke up one day Feb 2009 and thought, i could ‘stay home all day every day and cry or get out and do something’ thus began my journey to where I am today. I am proud to say I am now a Registered Nurse working and slowly but surely taking one step at a time one day at a time. Your right the harder you fall the bigger the climb. Keep going one step at a time. Thanks for sharing and awesome reading all the comments.
Thanks for adding your comments, Sally. Your comments are a reminder that hope is possible, new beginnings are possible and moving on is possible. YOu had two choices to make and you made the inspiring one of getting back up, achieving your goals and living your life, despite your difficulties.
One step at a time and one day at a time. Thank you again.
This was a timely read for me. I’m at rock bottom and the fault is mine. I’m in process of taking ownership. #6 and 7 are going to be key for me. Thank you.
Glad you saw it at the right time, Justin. I wish you the best. #6 and 7 are daily habits that can be cultivated a little at a time. Do something you enjoy each day. Find happiness in everyday life. Share your experiences with those you trust and build up a support system. Know that you’re not alone – we’ve all on the journey with you and others here have shown the way to success and healing.
I really needed this article today. #5, #6, and #7 hit home for me. I’m starting from the very beginning and trying not stress myself out on the path to happiness. And while I’m doing it being transparent with family and friends. Starting fresh is hard and harder when putting up the facade that it’s peaches and cream.
Glad you made it here, Taylor. All those items are a matter of choice and practices that can be developed over time. Small steps to be taken daily. And yes, once we let go of the facade and are honest with ourselves, we can do what needs to be done to heal and grow. Also being authentic with others allows us to have a stronger support system of people who can help us start again.
I’ve also noticed that when we get more authentic in our own lives, we end up attracting more authentic people into our life.
Thanks for sharing your perspective and commenting.
Great post Vishnu! You have such a great gift of being authentic and providing great content. Love this: “Happiness isn’t the destination but the journey.” Thanks for sharing.
Dave, great to see you here and thank you for your kind words. One of the best lessons I learned on this journey is that happiness is a lot closer than we think – it’s right here in this moment, accessible to us anytime:)
Thank you Vishnu. Your words about personality and soul were what stood out for me. I wrote down the questions to self . I read the posts of others and realized that I was part of much larger team of souls and personalities that were committed to finding a place of hope and new beginnings.
Hi Susan, glad the post resonated and that you’re on your journey to soul-realization and growth. Yes, today is a new day and it’s time to celebrate new beginnings!
Thanks Vishnu, As always your posts are really inspiring and also provides a comfort that we are in the right track… I have gone through a painful marriage life and then a divorce which was not a smooth transition, but I am strong more than before and I am being an example for many of my friends to cherish life’s every moment and enjoy as much as we can… Going on with my beautiful journey of life. I have learnt that the journey is what gives us the joy than the destination.
hi Sridevi – thank you for your comments and sharing your story. You’re also living your life in a very inspired way – knowing that you can’t change the past but have to make the best of present circumstances. Not only did you gain insight, strength and a better understanding of life but you’re able to inspire others now by simply living more courageously.
Well said vishnu!
All i want to add here is to always remember; Not everything u loose is a loss!
so breathe..if God has got you to it He well get you out of it too:-)
Thank you Dhara for reminding me that our greatest losses can be our greatest gains! It’s all about perspective, right?
Love this, Vishnu! Often we get down on ourselves for failed marriages, businesses, family relationships, etc and have nowhere to turn to or no one to talk to or share our pain with. Friends are nice to have but I find they usually just rub our back and say “Awe it will be ok..”. When we are down we need to be around, and share with, people that know EXACTLY what we are going through, and can offer some guidance, tools and valuable advice (mind you, that nice rub on the back does feel good too! ) Thank you for the great lessons! :-) I especially like #1 and #2.
I think sometimes people are afraid to cry or have a *feel sorry for myself day*. I found that after I’ve had a good cry or a *day of mourning*, I’m more empowered and have more hope. It’s almost like a *flush out the toxins* kind of thing for me.
Peace and Love
Hi Iva – wonderful addition. Yes, those rock bottom days or “day or mourning”s allows us to embrace the pain and loss we’ve experienced, regroup, and learn the lessons of the present experience. also when we don’t mourn or embrace our low points, we are living in a state of resistance to the negative circumstances that have unfolded.
Thank you for your encouraging and hopeful comment.
Wonderful post, Vishnu with good solid advice. I remember when I was divorced, it felt like my world had been pulled out from under me. It took me a long time to get myself back together. Someone told me that each day gets a little better. I remembered that and kept plugging along and finally realized that I had created a new life for myself. It was not necessarily always better, but it was better than before and it was mine. Best of luck to you in your new life!
Thank you Cathy for sharing your story which serves as an encouraging reminder about what’s possible. I think we couldn’t ask for anything more, if “it was better than before and it was mine.” I’ve found that it does get better each day because with each day comes more growth, healing and hope.
Thanks for being so open about your challenges, Vishnu! I especially like this sentiment from lesson #4: “Self-development became a spiritual practice as I confronted my anger, judgment, and ego.” I never thought about it that way before and in hindsight, I’ve done just the same but didn’t consider it a form of spiritual practice.
Thank you, Varonica. I call it a spiritual practice but you can call it anything you want:) Any process that allows us to acknowledge ourselves, understand ourselves more and be more mindful in the way we live is a good thing. On a side note, I’ve found many spiritual aspects of personal development in how it’s helped me grow into a better, truer and more compassionate person.
I think having a failed marriage is one of the hardest feelings one can go through. I wish everybody who has gone through this peace of mind and future happiness.
A friend of mine who recently got divorced told me that:
“marriage is a strong bond. This strong bond needs strong energy to break it. That is why I am in pain.”
Look at the bright side. As long as you have your positive thinking, good things come to those who wait.
(Patience, forgiveness, and hope) are all that I wish for you.
Hi Sal – I’m glad you shared your friend’s reflections which ring true with me. We need the energy to break the bond and also for the growth and healing that comes after. I appreciate your words encouragement and well wishes. Thank you.
This post made me feel that my situation is not the lowest point that i’ll experience in my life but still I’m depressed. College student here and it all I see now is failing grades everywhere. IT HURTS ME A LOT? YES. :( Anyway, nice post! GOD BLESS!
Nice post and very encouraging. I am currently going through the lowest phase of my life. I’m divorced and jobless and I’m unable to find a job. I feel so trapped with 6 dogs and no friends or support system. At least i have a house to live in, but I feel so hopeless right now. I try pushing the suicidal thoughts away as much as I can. You are right. You just have to do something, anything each day. And only when you accept and surrender to your circumstances can true healing begin.
Yes, I’m in my lowest point of my life, which should be the happiest starting point. Just got married to this lovely woman but everything was shadowed with my struggles. I loss my job, broke and I’ve been trying to get my life together by looking for a job but up to now I’m still unsuccessful and with each rejection I’ve got from my interviews I felt that I’m sinking much deeper in my quicksand of depression. I’m trying to be strong for my wife but I don’t know until when I can keep the light of my hope burning.
Great post, so encouraging. I recently found out that my husband has been calling escorts. His explanation is that they called him first and he was calling them back to ask them to stop calling him. Obviously this is a lie. He is sticking to his story and I don’t know how to get the truth out of him. I’ve asked him to come with me to get counseling and he refuses. I don’t want to divorce him, we have a 2 year old son who deserves a mom and a dad in the same house. I am willing to forgive him if he tells me the truth but he just won’t. I really don’t know what to do.
Thank you Vishnu. Your article echoes the start of what I am going through with separation and sharing of the kids. It started 2 months ago with separation under the same roof and it set me on a downward spiral. Do net get me wrong the fault (most of it – I have to stop blaming myself) was my own. I had reconnected on-line with an old girlfriend/school friend and my wife was aware of this. I told her. But at the same time her mother was dying and she went to be with her. During this time I had continued conversing with this friend and when my wife returned (after her mother died) this came to light. Not that there was anything in the conversing but it was enough to warrant a separate sleeping arrangement. Needless to say this brought up feelings of abandonment and I took a turn for the worse – Suicide. That really set the whole thing on fire and catapulted her to moving out. Now I get to see my kids 2 days a week and whenever else but as you said “The person I had spent a good portion of my life with was no longer in it.” And it is scary and just the thought of not getting to see her again or be with her or someone else sends me spinning. But for now, for today I am making the most of it. I will wake tomorrow and start again.
Thanks Vishnu for such an inspiring post.
I myself am goi g through some of the stages that you listed above.
I never lost my job but i had to leave it as i was in an abusive relationship with my now ex husband.. i packed up a few bags and left my home too.
I still feel guilty and blame myself sometimes, although it’s not warranted.
I have a 2 year old too, and it pains me so much when he asks for daddy.
I had to protect myself and my son. I am moving on with my life with a support network and people that are happy, healthy and help me to see the side of life that i had forgotten about due to years of abuse. The light is becoming brighter and brighter.
your post has been very uplifting for me.
Thankyou very much.
I was looking for a discussion forum on how to survive failed relationship when I stumbled into this. Your words are uplifting – giving me stray of hope that my life doesn’t end in one failed relationship. My life revolved around him. He took over my once-independent life. What hurts me the most is I was ready to get married and start family but he was not, so I waited…and waited for years until it is hard for me to conceive due to my age (39). One day he got cold and asked for “space”. And boom! I saw my life crumbling around me and all I could do is watch.
I have sunk into a pit of despair and do not believe I will ever return.
I am at the lowest point of my life. I did a siginificant mistake at my work although I have just worked some months. I am not fired, but I have been feeling very bad towards what I have done undeliberately. My boss and most coworkers did not blame me or attack me for what mistake I did, but I have been replaced and given less responsibilities. There is someone, a manager, who actually is a kind person and ever pat my head on the day I revealed my mistake. She said that it’s okay and I was touched by her kindness. However, just yesterday, she (perhaps) undeliberately said something that stab my heart so deeply. That day, I weared a new lipstick color that I never used. A coworker started a small chat praising my lip color and that manager suddenly joined the circles with saying “You know what? Even though you changed your lip color or use nice make up, you will not make your client likes you. Your client does not like you and that will remain that way.”. She said that to the people in the discussion while laughing. I just laugh and tried to respond positively like I am a stupid person who did not get her rough and evil words. I still think she might not do that in bad intention and I really believe that. However, her words have been stuck on my head.
I recently come up with suicidal thoughts, but I have been trying to hold myself…. remembering how God still not even give up on me. I need your help on this. I really feel crumbled. I will be glad if someone stabs me or hit me by car until dead so I do need to kill myself.
All that for a job ? I’m sure how your situation is, but based on what you have described is over your job, there should be nothing is the world that you are willing to end your life.
For god’s sake please seek some professional help or just find another job even if it means you get paid less with a demotion.
Life is to short to take everything personal, there are many mean and evil people in the world, and you have to learn to be strong and move on..
Hi, I am at my somewhat lowest point now. I had to withdraw from my university because I couldn’t come up with all the money I needed for the semester. I feel like I have failed everyone and myself. I now have to move back in with my mom and find a second job. I would like to return to my university next semester but if my finances don’t look good I don’t know how that can happen. I do know that me withdrawing will be an experience that can help me want to grind harder. If it wasn’t for my mom I would have no place to stay and I thank her so much for the support. Out of all people I feel like I have failed her the most. I just want the stress and depression to go away.
I am at probably the lowest place in my life. Thank you for sharing this article, good stuff
I think I’m at the lowest point now due to unemployment. I apply for jobs and get to the last stage interview just to be told how excellent I presented and how a recruiter had a sleepless night to chose another candidate over me. Sometimes I don’t even want to wake up and I only do so to do my favourite craft activities and listen to audible books.
I too am at the lowest point i have ever felt in my life. I think about killing myself all the time right now the only thing that stops me is the thought of my 10 year old son finding me and I cant do that to him, I just worry that one day that thought wont be there and I’ll just do it. What got me to this point is my 15 year old after many arguments moved out and refuses to come home, and already feeling low and depressed I open up to my partner of 17 years who encouraged me to quit my job to be there for youngest child. I tell him how I dont feel loved , how out of the relationship I feel taken advantage of I dont get any appreciation. He wont hold my hand or kiss me in public, he asks me to places with friends then ignores me the whole time, we had a joke with friends about how often he makes me a cup of tea, a fuckin cup of tea…twice I think in a year. I tell him I need to feel loved and he tells me no that’s not who he is and not going to change. I feel so low and empty I want to be worth more than that to somebody, maybe I sound selfish and dont deserve it.
Get Over It
— The Eagles
Just Do It
Sorry to hear about the trauma you passed through, but many thanks for sharing the useful insights in this article. This will be a guiding light for many.
Your words are so inspirational! Broken marriage was also my lowest point in life and I am so thankful that I found your words!