“You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result.” – Mahatma Ghandi
Things happen that continually shape our way of thinking and perception of our world. Whatever it may be has a direct impact on our opinions and the way we decide to carry ourselves through.
I remember the day I lost my best friend – he passed away after a week in the intensive unit at the hospital from a car crash. That day shaped the next 11 years of my life. His death seemed unfair – he was bright, good and had so much going for him. The good kid, the sweet one. I went to the hospital every single day for that week, wishing he’d pull through. That never happened.
After that day, my life went on. I went on to make mistakes, laugh and play. I completed my studies, went on to a few jobs and had the drive to make myself a success but he was always on my mind. Every time I would have a “bad” day I’d resort to his passing to amplify my feelings and make me feel even worse. I’ve never been one to reach for a Ben & Jerry’s but rather a big bag of chips, I felt comfort in feeling sad and my food choice helped with that feeling. Even when things were going amazing for me I had a sense in the back of my head that it would all come to an end. The higher I was the harder I’d fall, right?
My perception had gotten shattered and I didn’t want to do anything about it. The experience found it’s way into my love life – in a past relationship I’d continuously be coming up with excuses of why not to fully open up and allow myself to be vulnerable because I knew in my core I’d end up getting hurt if I was too exposed. I simply couldn’t open up. This relationship lasted well over 4 years and now, having gone through it, I realize the poor guy didn’t have chance. If anything went wrong I’d hide out in my cave with extremely sad music and the thought of my friend not being there. I believed my best friend was the guy I was meant to be with but I had realized it too late, I had lost my chance. This had gone on for so long, I didn’t know anything different anymore so I couldn’t move forward. My comfort level was set.
It wasn’t until I made the choice to end the roller coaster ride that I started to notice a change. I consciously made an effort to ban any sad music on a crappy day, I’d blast out fun tunes and get myself to another mental state before I recapped my day and thought things through. My bag of chips was not part of the equation anymore, I’d have my treat but at another time. I made the decision that I wouldn’t feed into the feeling. My “back of my head” thoughts would not be a manifestation of would happen. A simple step, a shift, sure made an impact and after so long of remembering my friend I then, finally, decided it was time to work things through.
The opportunity of working through my grieving had been there all along but I thought that by working on it I’d be releasing his memory and I’d eventually forget him with time, I didn’t want that to happen but that wasn’t really the case. That day of working through it, I remembered him and cried, the hardest I’ve ever cried for him before. I said what I never had a chance of saying. I broke down and eventually got myself back up. I managed to untie the massive knot that had prevented me from moving forward, I gave my mind a chance to flow. After that moment, I released.
Our mind is comprised of patterns and road blocks, when we experience an event it creates an impact, a stamp if you will. That stamp, with time, becomes our habit. We find ourselves moving toward a state of being stuck where activities and even food choices help increase it’s effectiveness, or ineffectiveness if you think about it. Unless we make the choice to interrupt the cycle can we release but it has to be us, not our friends or family pushing us to it.
If I had put myself through working on this knot a few years ago, I wouldn’t have been ready. My family was worried, they knew it wasn’t healthy and I was sabotaging any potential relationship I could have but I knew I had to go through the motions on my own, well, I didn’t know I just wasn’t ready. It wasn’t until I chose to accept my “luck” as my own, my life and myself when I made that decision, that conscious effort, that I broke free from my sabotaging ways and I now remember him without suffering.
One last thing: my best friend in this story could easily be a friend of yours – a pet, a job, your weight… anything that you’ve been carrying for years that has had an impact on your life, an impact that has prevented you from moving forward.
What have you had to release in your life in order to move forward?
Photo by Fountain_Head
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12 thoughts on “Release and Move Forward”
The tragic loss of a friend, a spouse, a lover, or any family member trumps most all losses and that’s a very difficult thing to move on from. But, any limiting belief or position we hold can be nearly as difficult to release.
I once felt that my upbringing was at fault for keeping me stuck. It was the “position” I held that everyone else had an advantage because they surely didn’t have teachers, religious leaders and parents that told them that everything “worldly” was worthless and to just ignore thoughts of work, making a good living, excelling, and achieving.
After carrying that nonsensical mindset into my mature adult life I finally realized it was simply my mindset and something I could release. For me, great personal observation and awareness did the trick. Simply seeing very clearly exactly what I was doing … without judgment … was the answer.
Nice article. And also your posted comment was very insightful Carmelo. Thank you both for sharing.
I’m going through a major life altering experience right now where I am working on accepting, forgiving, letting go, and moving on.
In these situations I go with the idea that your state of mind is a matter of perception. I look for ways to learn, gather insight/knowledge and remain positive.
Letting go and moving ahead is easier said then done.
Yet when you truly make it and are able to reflect, learn, and grow fro
the experience it’s one of the most amazing life changing experiences….
I have realized that you don’t really forget but you learn how to live with that memory which no longer haunts you. I had gone through a very bad phase in my life in the past 2 years(so the wounds are very fresh) which has made me very bitter.Now I am so scared of getting hurt that I do not open up fully or allow myself to be vulnerable. It has affected my confidence and my overall attitude and made me into a whole different person.Obviously nothing can be compared to death of a close person. But there are other things which die, like that of a very strong close relationship. But I have realized that the blocks, the assumptions, the limitations are in my own minds and I have to release them in order to live fully in present and I know there are better things awaiting for me only if I release my past and move forward. I cried one day my heart out and decided from now on I will just look ahead. It is difficult but possible and I am trying that each and every day.
Just loved your post. Thanks so much
I sense there’s a powerful story behind your comment Sara. Thank you for sharing, that in and of itself shows you are opening yourself up, a little bit at a time.
Tears are cleansing :)
The loss of a loved one or a pet can be very devastating, particularly if its not expected or you didn’t have the change to say good bye. But I suppose in time all wounds heal, we adapt to change—but the memory of that loved one lives on.
It’s so liberating finding the strength within that tells you it’s a matter of YOU making a conscious choice to make the change that will prove to be a major breakthrough. Thanks for sharing Carmelo!
Daisy, thank you for sharing your story…I hope others who have experienced similar situations find this.
Our thoughts are the most powerful thing we have, and the one thing no one else can control.
When I think back on the many years when I blamed my unhappy childhood for my unhappiness, I sometimes hear “What a waste of time, Wendy. You could have been doing and thinking about something else.”
I spent way too many years listening and believing my random negative thoughts.
Rather than kick myself, now I smile and am grateful that I have learned from my past and keep growing.
It is so important to slow down and listen to the soul on a regular basis…
We know we feel better and probably live longer if we exersise our bodies, but what about our psychological health? It too, needs taking care of on a regular basis.
Thanks for sharing!
thank you so much for sharing this story with us. really enjoyed reading
Thanks for sharing your story. It hurts to realize that life goes on after the death of a loved one, but we have to let it go if we want to move on.
I had to let go of the wish that my childhood could have been happy and free of abuse. I can’t change the past, and releasing that wish for things to be different let me move forward towards a bigger and better future.
i Agree Daisy
i believe that its all about moving forward even when we feel that we got hit hard
persistent people always get what they want
thank you :)
Its simply not possible to forget all those past moments and move forward in life. All you can do is to think them as bad times of your life and look at the life from different perspective. This will give you a chance to live the current moment.