Step One to Inner Peace

inner peace

I have been focused on growth for as long as I can remember. I used to spend my time walking to and from work trying to think up an exit strategy for my life. Everyday, in the morning and in the afternoon, each walk consoled by a cup of coffee and a cigarette that burned way too fast for my taste.

For breaks, I’d sneak down to take deeper breaths–hands shaking, and roaming the street corners for patience. Completely out of the present moment, I’d dread the week, aching through its entirety, only breathing as I’d walk out of work for the few hours I had free. But eventually when 10pm hit, the dread would start again. The weight of the world on my shoulders. Or was it? I was in my 20s. I was in the greatest city in the world. I had a good life, a good job. No real danger compared to the rest of the world, but nonetheless, the dead weight of the world sat there, torturing me.

Looking back now, it’s clear to me how sick I was of mind, heart, and spirit. The end of my 20s proved to be breathtakingly difficult. I experienced a great deal of heartbreak and loss, which eventually, and inevitably led to a great deal of change, growth, and surprisingly,…love.

Eckhart Tolle said something about how our generation is more aware than most of its misery. I’m no scientist but in my very humble, unprofessional opinion co-dependency, dissatisfaction, and neediness are at an all time high. We are obsessed with distractions and in a constant need for validation. In all its glory, technology satisfies these needs and opens the appetite for more. Our ego’s validation has a field day every time we turn the power on. We are never alone and what’s worse is that, we’re smart. We pick up on patterns on what people like and we get better at it.

The first time I read The Power of Now & The Four Agreements my mind opened up wide. Confused at what I was hearing, I felt stumped for days, which was followed by a wave of frustration. HOW DO I DO THIS? WHEN DO I START? In all honesty, I got the overall lifestyle idea, but I completely missed the basic point. The point being start here, start now.

Despite not applying this immediately, it did make me self-aware that I was in a constant state of anxiety and un-presence that I myself had generated. In itself, this was a breakthrough. This resonated with a lot of things a mentor had been trying to explain to me in the weeks prior. I see now that it’s not that I was not emotionally intelligent enough to understand all this–well, maybe I wasn’t–but it had less to do with my capacity to process the information and more to do with my willingness to process and apply.

I had always been focused on changing– changing bosses, people, jobs, or situations. I was obsessed with the outside, changing the inside had never even occurred to me. The inside, huh? So, whose fault does this make it? I’m confused. WHO IS AT FAULT?!

When I realized that the healthiest thing would be to begin to think that no one was responsible my heart sank a little. What do you mean no one gets the blame? Where is the fun in that? It sucks but I really thought this. I felt it at my core, I actually wanted to be angry. I wanted to blame someone.

It’s taken years to shift that focus from outward in. It’s taken a great deal of time, a plethora of breakthroughs, and a palace of fall backs. It’s been a process. I now understand so much why it took so long now and I connect less of those achey walks that I used to take so many years ago.

I read somewhere that it’s a little ironic how desperately we hold on to the things that we are praying to be released from. I read a lot in the years that followed that initial breakthrough. Line by line, each book wore me down. I was in relationships with so many toxic attitudes and ideas that I didn’t have time for anything else. Complaints about loneliness? What do you mean? I wasn’t alone! I was tangled up with these ideas.

To keep this relationship imagery going—I was devoted to my beliefs (agreements) of the world. What people thought of me, what I suspected the world was withholding from me, and how the universe was planning to jip me. I was so into this and it never occurred to me that there was an opportunity cost. Because to be in one relationship, you are giving up the opportunity to engage with something else, right? Well, I was giving up being surprised, working towards something new, and having faith to keep these beliefs in tact. All because I thought I was right. I had figured out the world and its take with me and I spent most of my time reaffirming that in everything I experienced.

inner peace

Recommended Resources

Looking for more ideas and inspiration? The following are some of our favorite resources:

Audiobooks - learn by listening to books while commuting, working out, cooking, or any other activity you do. Audible has the world’s largest audiobook library and you can listen to any title free with a trial of the service. Click here to learn more about Audible.

Best Books to Change Life – one book can change your life. This is our recommended reading list for personal change and growth. The selection is a mix of time-tested classics and more recent bestsellers. Click here to see our Recommended Reading list.

Online Therapy - get professional help anytime, anywhere you need it. Online therapy offers effective, confidential, and convenient access to a licensed therapist at a low cost when compared to face-to-face services. Click here to learn more about Online Therapy.


12 thoughts on “Step One to Inner Peace”

  1. Beautifully written Antonella. I think the part when you mentioned “the part being start here, start now” resonated with me. The responsibility and awareness that we are indeed holding onto to agreements that are causing us pain is the bitter pill to swallow. There is no one to blame when it comes to deciding to make changes in our lives, finding blame actually keeps us stuck.

    I am at a place in my life where I am looking inward at things that make me come alive and filling my life with those. I have spent so many years doctoring and altering the outside and regretfully ignoring the me on the inside that was in such constant pain due to neglect. I was growing up but not really.

    For the first time in my life I am excited about the future as I am taking risks but more importantly letting go of old habits and ideas that do not serve me to grab the opportunities that do. Crawl, walk then run but I’ll get there. Thank you for such an honest expression.

  2. This definitely changed my perspective on being able to make the most out of every day. I think having personal awareness is the defining step in having meaningful work- life balance.

    1. Kevin, yes. It’s the smaller breakthroughs that make the difference. Isn’t it? “Great things are done by a series of small things brought together,”… small things and small thoughts!

  3. I think it is a common thing to look for change through outward sources and influences. Really, change must come from within. “We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.” ~Jane Austen.

  4. Such a beautiful post, Antonella. And yes, in this culture of constant connection, I just love, “Our ego’s validation has a field day every time we turn the power on.”
    So true!

  5. Such a beautiful post, Antonella. And yes, in this culture of constant connection, I just love, “Our ego’s validation has a field day every time we turn the power on.”
    So true!Love her, Chas! Thanks for posting!

  6. Hello, Antonella you have paved the article beautifully and i have learned a lot from here, this is the best way to start a new life and forgetting our past. Thanks for sharing.

  7. This hits home for so many of us. For me it was the realization that I’d been totally ignoring my heart and going along with my mind. . . That is to say I wasn’t concerned with how I felt about things so much as what I thought about them. It was a long journey and guess what was a huge part of it in the start. A required reading before I started my yoga teacher training in 2008, The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. :)
    Is a gem!

  8. My favorite excerpt of your article, Antonella, is this: it’s a little ironic how desperately we hold on to the things that we are praying to be released from.

    This speaks to me of recognizing our personal responsibility in making change happen. Thanks for a great article!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top
Copy link
Powered by Social Snap