Mind & Emotions

How a Trip to Indonesia Taught Me to be Bold

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Five years ago, I took one of the boldest actions of my life. I traveled halfway across the world to Ubud, Indonesia alone. In June 2008, I was 27 years old and had never left United States soil despite a constant longing to. A combination of fear and comfort held me hostage in familiarity—until, however, I finished Elizabeth Gilbert’s bestselling novel, Eat. Pray. Love. It chronicled the author’s adventures through Italy, India and Indonesia as she sought to “find herself” after a divorce.

The book’s vivid descriptions of Indonesia’s rich culture and lush countryside converged with my imagination of ornate wood-carvings, colorful temples and sprawling rice paddies. It was this convergence that left no question about where my first trip abroad would be to once I mustered up enough courage to go. And whenever I decided to go, I wanted go alone—just like Elizabeth Gilbert.

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How to Unhook From the Pain in Life

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I don’t feel good today. I have lived with depression for many years now and today is not a good day. What I want to do is go back to bed, curl up in a ball, and read something riveting like The Hunger Games.

Anything to take my mind off of how I feel and what that mind is telling me. (I just realized how funny that is: I want to take my mind off of my mind!) The worst part of depression for me is often what goes on in my head. My inner voice comes up with some doozies:

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7 Steps to Right-Sizing the Fear of What Others Think

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fear of what others think

I suffer from Fearwot! It stops me from taking actions ranging from buying shoes to speaking in front of large audiences to promoting my business. In essence, it keeps me playing small and it keeps me feeling really, really frustrated.

Fearwot is fear of what others think. And, it can stop me in my tracks! Let me give you just one small example. I was in a shoe store the other day and I saw this great pair of red patent leather shoes. I loved them, and, they seemed to love me back. I could see myself wearing them and feeling really hip and powerful. But then I started thinking, ‘What would Beth, my ultraconservative sister, think of them and of me for buying them.’ And suddenly, my enthusiasm for the shoes waned. That’s Fearwot in action. Sound familiar?

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How to Breakthrough Ten Common Fears

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common fears

Fear can be defined as an anxious feeling, caused by our anticipation of imagined, stories, events and experiences. Most of our fears are about the future.

When I took speech in college, I was excited and eager to learn. I’ve always been social and outgoing and I’ve lived a challenging and adventurous life. I thought my stories would interest and help others. I was ready to share. The first time I stood up in front of the class, I was anxious and nervous. After about five minutes, I couldn’t go on. In front of everyone, my voice cracked and I began to cry. I quickly returned to my seat. I thought I would die from embarrassment.

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How to Dream Bigger in Spite of Fear

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In July of 2012, I decided I wasn’t dreaming big enough. I attended a conference full of people doing amazing things for themselves, for charity, for their families… And I felt an incredible sense of inadequacy. Inadequate because what I felt inside wasn’t matching the actions of my outsides, and all these amazing people I was meeting were showing me that it could be done. My heart was overflowing with emotion, compassion and eagerness; I was just so scared to harness it for fear of rejection or failure.

In July, I decided to stop letting fear dictate my inaction, and instead, I began to let it fuel me to take more action.

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My Victory Over Fear

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victory over fear

I was the recipient of some bullying as a skinny young kid. One older boy in my neighborhood entertained himself with me occasionally by trapping me in our garage and threatening to beat me up if I tried to get out. Later, tougher kids would chase me home from school, I wasn’t actually hurt very much, but I became afraid of being beat up.

Even though I became an athlete in junior high school, the fear of being beat up persisted.

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Why I Hated Basketball

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I hated basketball in high school. My friend Dave and I would make sure we were on opposite teams in gym class. Because we loved to compete against each other? Nope. We wanted to guard each other so well that nobody would ever throw the ball to us!

It was really more like hiding than guarding. That was our plan, and it worked well. Dave and I rarely tried to catch the ball and never took a shot.

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The Mindset Shift That Changed My Life

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mindset shift

I have a confession to make. I haven’t always been a big picture thinker. I wasn’t always proactive. I haven’t always had aspirations to change the world. Rewind 7 years, and I was just another dumb kid coasting along in life. I had no long-term plan in mind, no money, and all I thought about was how long I was going to be able to play video games that day.

In high school I did well enough. I operated with the thought that I would go through college, get a good job, and live a nice comfortable lifestyle, but I had no idea what it was going to be like. I went through college with the same mindset, thinking my degree was going to get me all I needed to life the life of my dreams. I wasn’t much of a go-getter. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was lost, and I was spiraling towards a life of insignificance.

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What If You Could Turn Off Pain?

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I have an admission to make: I am a man. The reason this will matter is I am about to talk about the pain of childbirth. What could a man possibly know about it, right? So I have a request: give me the benefit of the doubt for now.

It all started when my wife went into labor with our first child. I’m an empathetic guy and my little lady was suffering. She was only 127 pounds at nine months pregnant and our daughter who was about to be born was almost seven of those pounds. She was having a natural childbirth so she wanted no drugs before the child was born. That was all very noble when this was all just theory but now it was really happening.

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