Relationships

Who would be your perfect spouse? Your Mr. or Mrs. Right?

I bet most of us have come up with answers to these questions, whether informally in our head or on a checklist we keep at the bottom of a desk drawer.

When I was a teenager this question of ‘Who is your Mr. Right?’ was forever turned on it’s head by an older, happily married gentleman. He said words that I’ve never forgotten.

Seven years ago I was living in suburban Boston, Massachusetts with my husband and wondering how we were going to make it work. We were both traveling too much for our jobs, and our time together was almost nonexistent. When we were home, we were overwhelmed with the task of taking care of a suburban house while living a mobile lifestyle. It was exhausting, and we were on the brink of personal and professional exhaustion.

Something had to give.

In the course of our courting, there were frisbees-a-flying, beers-a-flowing, big bad barbeques, and more than a smattering of smooching and cuddles. Being together was easy and always.

We married in 1997, healthy, happy, and excited about our lives. All that we wanted was to be together and continue the fun and goofiness that attracted us to each other in the first place. Simple enough, seeing that we were getting married and all, right?

I used to have a list. He had to be tall. He definitely had to be smart. He had to have brown hair and blue eyes, hmmm.. I guess dark eyes are also OK. The list went on and on. I had many relationships where I tried to stick as close as possible to this list, most of which didn’t last for more than a few months. But then, I seemed to hit the jackpot.

This man satisfied every requirement I had ever had to the ‘T’. He was tall, exceptionally smart, had the same religious background as me, and spoke all the same languages. To top it all off, he had those sparking, deep blue eyes. I was certain that I had found my life partner.

Has your jealousy ever turned you into someone you barely recognize in the mirror? Whether it was towards a co-worker who got the promotion didn’t get, the jealousy between siblings or the jealousy brewing within a relationship, jealousy is something everyone has experienced in their life.

I thought my jealousy was going to completely ruin my relationship. However, I never thought I’d be grateful for my jealousy in the long run.

Not many people like to compromise, and why should they? A compromise means two people need to exchange something, but one or both can’t easily come to an agreement. Whether it’s negotiating a work-related partnership or negotiating who will do the dishes at home, we want things to work out in our favor.

When we use the term “compromise,” we often use it to describe something in which we lost more than we gained, but coming to a compromise doesn’t have to be a losing game. Notice how the word breaks down: “com” and “promise,” or in other words, “we make a pledge together.” That means you should be getting something out of the deal.

I have 2 beautiful and smart daughters that are full of good moral and quality character. I couldn’t be more proud. Fatherhood is an awesome journey for me. As the journey continues with my “girls” entering adulthood, I sometimes sit and think about how I’ve raised them and if I did a good enough job.

I know it’s not all about me, but a man can’t help but wonder if he’s made a difference. As I reflect I realize that I’ve learned as much on this journey as they have.

When we experience resentments, we are forcing ourselves to repeatedly feel angry, hurt, annoyed, or upset about a single situation. We all experience feelings of resentment at various times in our lives. What we don’t realize, is that this masochistic cycle of self-obsession only hurts ourselves.

I realized that by holding onto resentments, I was ruining my life. I didn’t realize that my resentments were weighing me down with negativity which prevented me from being able to live in the moment, or experience gratitude. I desperately wanted to be able to access happiness, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose. But, in order for me to feel content with my life and experience genuine serenity, I had to first let go of my resentments that were holding me back from being truly happy.