6 Important Skills for the Living When Caring for the Dying

caring for the dying

“I am the midwife of my mother’s death”

That’s the title of a poem I wrote a few months before my 81-year-old mother had a stroke and passed away. I wrote it because I felt responsible, yet helpless, to ease her pain as her body became less reliable, her thoughts less coherent, and her resolve to continue living began to fade. Since being diagnosed with congestive heart failure, my mother had become increasingly dependent on me to help her manage the routines of life that sustained her and brought her joy – grocery shopping, swimming weekly at the gym, visiting my house once a week, or going to the doctor.

This is the story of what I learned about dying from the final months, weeks and days of my mother’s life.

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How Writing Heals Me, Again And Again

writing heals

When I was a little girl I kept a journal. You know, the velvet-skinned kind with the miniature lock and key that Mum could have probably picked with her fingernail.

It held my secrets, like which boy I had my eye on that week. At the time I thought it held my heart. It didn’t. In fact, it was more of a general account of my day-to-day activities rather than a revelation of anything deeply personal.

Consequently my love affair with my journal didn’t last too long. My life wasn’t interesting enough to record all the details. Yet now as an adult I truly believe in the healing power of journaling.

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Why Trying to Be Charismatic Backfires (and What to Do Instead)

charismatic

I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of being charismatic. It seemed like such an exotic and fascinating trait to have, and at one moment in my life I believed that I lacked it entirely. So soon enough, I decided to try and become charismatic.

The first thing I did was to read about the behavior that makes a person charismatic and to study the behavior of people around me who were deemed charismatic. Then, with fierce determination, I started trying to adopt the very same type of behavior. Often, this is a good approach to developing certain traits. You deconstruct them into specific behaviors and you practice those behaviors until they become second nature. Paradoxically though, with trying to be charismatic, this approach failed me miserably. Not only that I did not become more charming, but I actually became tenser in social situations and I started enjoying them less.

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8 Steps to Dealing With the Difficulties of Life

dealing with difficulties

Last March I had a skydiving accident. My parachute opened without a problem and I was coming in to make a normal landing. The winds were a little unusual and I let myself get distracted by other skydivers who had landed nearby. I ended up flying the canopy too fast and landed harder than I wanted. I tried to stand up, but couldn’t put weight on my foot. A friend had to help me off the landing area.

After some x-rays at the emergency room, it turned out to be more than a sprain. It was actually a fracture of the calcaneus. Which in normal English means I broke my heel. Ouch.

What do you do when life taps you on the shoulder and says, “Hey! Guess what? You need to make new plans.” A relationship ends, job loss, car accident, natural disaster. War, famine, pestilence. Okay, maybe not pestilence but you could get stuck in traffic and miss your flight. How do you deal with all that life sends your way?

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5 Ways to Overcome a Fear of Confrontation

fear of confrontation

I am so non-confrontational that the thought of saying anything to anyone that might rub them the wrong way has always given me instant anxiety.

I have suffered from this syndrome of wanting to keep the peace at all costs since childhood. And now that I am just a couple of years shy of 50, I am really sick and tired of carrying around this burden of having to keep the peace. I want to speak my truth!

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Three Funerals and an Album

Heather Stewart

My father passed away a couple years ago. My uncle one month before him. Another uncle a month after. I went to three funerals in the span of three months all at the same funeral home. I’m fairly certain the funeral home was getting suspicious of the ladies in our family. Had any of the men who passed away been rich, there would have been some arrests. If it weren’t my actual life, I would have thought I was playing a part in a film. Except Hugh Grant was nowhere to be found.

During that time, I felt so numb yet the most alert I had been in years. I was angry yet overwhelmed by love. Things were funnier and more painful. I felt more and less.

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Building Resilience and Cultivating Your Mangrove Swamp

building resilience

Have you ever seen a mangrove swamp?

Mangrove swamps, which sit in tropical and subtropical coastal areas, are wetlands comprised of a unique type of tree with large, branch-like roots that plunge down into the dirt and sand. When the tides change or waves come ashore, their dense root systems act as a web that prevents the ground from eroding and washing away.

The mangrove trees protect the sensitive ecosystem from damage, and make it easier for the ecosystem to recover, even after storms and tidal waves.

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Find and Live Your Kefi

Kefi

Kefi is a Greek word that can be described as a feeling of pure exhilaration where you have bliss, excitement, and euphoria. During moments of Kefi your entire being experiences a rush that you want to share with others. You smile, laugh, dance, or sing. You do whatever it takes to release this joy. Hard to translate since words cannot completely explain the feeling when one does experience it. While Greek dancing at the full moon party in Folegandros’ port, I had it, and this is when my friend explained the word to me. It was beautiful. My journey is about finding Kefi and I know that all of us can find it if we just let it in.

My life prior to May was not about living Kefi.  It was about achieving, climbing corporate ladders, making more money, getting more degrees, working long hours, thriving on stress, buying homes, saving for retirement, etc.  You get the picture.  I was doing everything right; the way society accepts and defines ‘how to live a successful life’.  I am very gracious for the abundance that 18 years of working brought me and the experience gained while working in top consulting firms, travelling the world, and engaging with some of the world’s largest corporations.  To some, this might sound like living the American Dream.  For me, it became a living nightmare as I dragged myself out of bed each morning to go into the office and sit in my dark cubicle.

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It Was Never My Fault: My Personal Journey from Blame to Acceptance

acceptance

My world was changing in every sense of the phrase. At the age of 12, I was moving from the Ukraine to Canada. I was leaving all of my friends and family as well as everything that I had known since the day I was born. I was going to be alone, an outsider; I was going to be the immigrant in all of my classes. If the life changes experienced through adolescence weren’t grueling enough, now, I had to cope with moving to an entirely foreign place with nothing but my parents and a suitcase.

I had an incredibly difficult time adapting to my new environment and my new life. I was immersed in a culture completely unknown to me. It wasn’t easy making new friends; especially when your first languages differ from one another. I yearned for the company of my friends and extended family back home.

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How to Keep Your Glass Half Full Through Courage & Compassion

compassion

I will readily admit that I haven’t always been a particularly positive person. I think cynicism is in my genetic code and I used to genuinely believe that it was better to expect the worst in order to be prepared than to allow high hopes be dashed.

I’m also the biggest chicken imaginable. There was a time when I was truly scared of everything and the thought of acting courageously seemed impossible. I still find myself fearful and anxious at times but I’ve come a long way.

To top off the “Negative Nelly” trifecta – as if you weren’t already convinced that my redeeming qualities might be lacking! – I often tend to be driven by logic versus emotion and struggle with compassion at times. It has occurred to me that all of these aspects of my personality are likely interconnected and probably support and feed off of each other.

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