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A Story About Loneliness


I’m in my element when being a social butterfly.

Thinking back to the times that have been the most special, the most exhilarating and the most damn fun, they’re the times when I’ve been bouncing around a room full of good people, just doing what I do best. Laughter matters to me. Being silly matters to me. Being with good people matters to me. So how did it happen that I’m at a place in life where I spent Christmas Eve, New Year’s Eve, my Birthday (and a lot of other days to boot) alone for the last few years?

How to Make Space for Happiness: Fire Your Friends

fire your friends

I remember it very distinctly. I was in the car with my best friend whom I had just picked up, and I was giddy with excitement. Over the past month or two, I had talked her through some dates gone bad and tried to lift her up to remember how great she was. I was always so happy and supportive when she told me when one went well.

I had gone through a terrible breakup 6 months prior and had just started to date again when out of nowhere, I met a man who was different from all the others. I knew this guy was a keeper, and I was so excited to confide in my best friend all about how I’d finally found someone worth spending time with! After a few minutes of small talk into our car ride, I excitedly blurt out, “Ok, can I dish about this new guy for a second?” As if expecting it, she snidely shot back, “I don’t want to hear every little detail about it!” I was stunned.

Become a Person People Want to be Around

person people want to be around

I knew this guy in college who had a magnetic personality. Actually, I still know him. He’s a good friend of mine. But, I first got to know him well in college. He attracted people everywhere he went, like moths to a flame. It was amazing to me how easily he started conversations with unfamiliar people about everyday topics, and within minutes, was joking and chatting with them like they were old friends. I was a bit on the shy side, and didn’t really get too talkative with people until I got to know them well. Of course, since I didn’t chat too often with people, it made it hard to get to know them. I envied my friend’s ability to be so free from self-consciousness and wanted very much to be like him. I began to watch him closely (without being too creepy) to try to figure out what it was that he did that made him so irresistible to other people.

In my pursuit of this magical ability to attract people to me, I began to read a lot of self-help books about positive self-image and people skills. As I was doing this, and observing my friend, I began to understand what it was that set him apart from others.

Why is it that some people just seem to attract others? What are they doing that is different than everyone else? Is it something you’re born with, or can this ability be learned? I believe that anyone can become this type of attractive individual.

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