This Story Doesn’t End the Way You Think It Will

this story

I reached up and rubbed my eyes. The glare from the screen stung them fiercely and I was developing an epic crick in my neck. I had redesigned this poster maybe 10 – 15 times. I put the final touches on it, printed it out, and took it to be approved.

“It looks too sad,” she said to me with the calm demeanor of a Zen master.

“But the event is about medical professionals that need relief from stress and grief. I used this picture because I thought they would identify with a picture of a doctor who looks worn out.” I replied

“I understand that, but it still looks too sad.”

That was all she had to say. I knew there was no point in arguing with her further. Once she made up her mind it wasn’t worth arguing about. So, I went back to my desk and started to work on a new revision.

I was so tired of it. My schedule was extremely demanding. I woke up at 3:50am and didn’t get to bed until after 10:00pm. I felt annoyed and exhausted, but worst of all I felt bored.

My whole life I had fought that feeling, the dry, stale, emptiness of being completely bored with something. As I stared at the screen, I wondered, “Why am I doing this?”

Why am I putting up with this intense schedule, the structure of seniority that discourages self-expression, the strict dress code, and the separation from what most people would consider a ‘normal life’?

I had had enough. Right there in that moment. I made a decision that would change everything. It would be the most important decision I’d ever made in my entire life. I decided to stay right there and keep going.

Wait, Back Up.

I know what you’re thinking. This is the part of the story where I should say screw this job and walk out the door to go live my dream. And for many people that would’ve been the right thing to do.

But for me it wasn’t and let me tell you why.

My whole life I had tried my best to follow this one truth: Fear is the one thing that holds people back from being happy.

So, I vowed to be unafraid of taking risks and follow my dreams. And that’s exactly what I did.

Whenever someone told me I couldn’t or wouldn’t do something, I disregarded them and made it happen.

Chase Your Dreams?

People told me to major in something practical at school. So, I majored in philosophy. I did it not only because I wanted to be fiercely impractical, but also because I loved philosophy. (I even have a tattoo of a famous Cartesian saying on my back).

When a friend in college invited me to spend the summer on her farm in Belize, I agreed to go. But she didn’t believe me. She told me lot’s of people said they would go, but didn’t.

5 months later, I was in the middle of the Central American jungle husking coconuts and trying not to scratch the obscene amount of mosquito bites I had accumulated.

When I was working in the music business, I decided I wanted to work for this guy I knew and admired. He was a well-known artist manager in town. So, I started calling him regularly and every time he would tell me he didn’t have anything for me.

But I didn’t give up. I called him once or twice a month for a year. Until finally he gave me a job as a guitar tech for the Gin Blossoms and I spent the next couple years criss-crossing the country as a rock band roadie.

There are plenty of other examples, but I think you get the point.

Just Do

I believed that if you want something, you should go for it. But the problem was I lived my life by this one rule. And one rule, no matter how good, has its limits.

Though I had conquered one problem, I wasn’t confronting another. I didn’t know who I was or what my purpose was in life.

For many people the problem is they aren’t willing to risk what it would take to follow their dreams. My problem was that I wasn’t willing to risk sticking with one path. I didn’t stay anywhere long enough to find out what was at the center of all of my dreaming.

28 Years and 28 Jobs

By the time I was 28, I had worked 28 different jobs. That’s one job for every year I had been alive. Here is a list of all of them:

  1. Bag Boy at Kroger
  2. Baby sitter
  3. Ran a Sumo Chicken Boxing Ring
  4. Car Detailer
  5. Host At Romano’s Macaroni Grill
  6. Server at Joes Crab Shack
  7. Department Store Men’s Clothing Salesmen
  8. White House Gift Shop Clerk
  9. Paid High School Wrestling Coach
  10. Glass Art Salesman
  11. Illicit Plant Substance Entrepreneur
  12. Jungle Farming Intern
  13. PIRG Canvasser
  14. Greenpeace Canvas Team Leader
  15. Rep for Reggae Record Company
  16. Office Assistant At Music Distribution Start Up
  17. Rep for An On Site Marketing firm
  18. Manager of Artist Development For a RED Sub distribution Company
  19. President of Indie Music Organization Start Up
  20. Guitar Tech For the Gin Blossoms
  21. Stage Manager for the Gin Blossoms
  22. Adult Book Store Clerk
  23. Shipping Room Worker
  24. Business Consultant For A Record Label
  25. Merchandise Rep For Nashville Merch Company
  26. Merchandise Rep for Phil Vassar
  27. Ski Instructor at Timberline Lodge
  28. House Manager at a Music Venue

I had lived an amazing life, but I wasn’t happy.

While I was working my last job on the list as a house manager of a local music venue, I caught my boss stealing money from bands. Specifically altering the amount of tickets we had sold.

I didn’t know what to do. I knew it was wrong, but I needed this job. If I confronted her, I risked losing my job. But if I didn’t I wasn’t sure I could live with myself.

As I contemplated this question, I realized that I had been letting myself slide into this moral grey zone for a while. And I didn’t want to be there anymore.

Even with all the risks, I decided I had to confront her. She tried to convince me it was no big deal (which didn’t work), but eventually apologized through crocodile tears. And swore she’d never do it again.

Despite all of her assurances, a month later I lost my job. I didn’t know where to turn. I felt lost, hopeless, and depressed

I had worked 28 jobs and each one bore me to tears or stressed me out beyond belief. And now I had done ‘the right thing’ and was SOL.

The Monastery

That’s when I met Lowell. I ran into him at a friend’s party and I couldn’t figure him out. He was in his early twenties but had the same calm demeanor of someone twice his age.

I didn’t know what his secret was, but I knew I wanted to find out. So, I started asking him questions and learned that he had been living at a Zen monastery for the last few months.

He told me a little bit about his journey. And at the end of the party, he invited me to come and sit with him at a local Zen group.

So the next week I went and meditated for the first time. I loved and hated it.

Zen became my new kick. I started sitting regularly and noticed an immediate change. Soon after I started sitting I went to my first silent retreat and then to another.

The more I sat I realized there was something to this. And since I had no job prospects, I decided to go to the monastery for a month or two. I figured worst-case scenario I’d leave after a few months, go find a new job, and have a good story to avail cute hippie girls with.

The Novelty

The first few months were great, but eventually the novelty began to wear off. I realized it was happening again. And that’s where I started this story.

Here I was at this tiny monastery, a place of peace and tranquility and I was miserable. I started thinking about moving on, but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.

My whole life seemed like a big pointless joke. But just as I was about to the throw in the towel, I remembered a teaching that helped me see things differently.

It was a few simple words spoken by one of the senior priests at the Monastery. One day when we were talking about following your passion he said, “To live a fulfilled in life you must find something that is deeper than passion.”

Passion

I had spent my whole life following my passions, but they had led me nowhere. I realized that while passion is important, passion without purpose is empty.

I knew that if I wanted to change my life, I needed something that would keep me going even when my passion faded.

And I knew I would never be able to find it if I left. Many parts of me told me it was time to go. But another part of me knew I needed to stay past the point of comfort.

I needed to find that place in myself that could endure boredom and fatigue. I needed to find the purpose that would make me get up each day. Even if the work I had to do seemed empty and meaningless.

Purpose

I spent many days and nights like that. Wondering why I was there, but something amazing happened when I stuck it out. Through deep personal work and perseverance, I discovered my life vow.

It came at the end of a long silent retreat where I had done fierce battle with my own demons. I realized that my purpose was to help others. The more I held this vow I realized that I was called to do that as a teacher.

Now everyday I wake up and write, I vow to be of deep and fundamental service to others. I vow to become a teacher that encourages and inspires others to change their lives.

This simple act reminds me of every lesson I learned at the monastery.

The monastery taught me so much about myself and my mind. And the strength and tools that I gained there have helped me continue to create radical change in my life and in the lives of those around me.

Risky Business

So often, when we hear the stories of life transformation the protagonist only needs to have the courage to follow his passion.

Success stories often leave out the sleepless nights, the internal conflict, and the crippling self-doubt that many people endure to find their path.

Sometimes you have to cross the desert of boredom and doubt to find the oasis on the other side. You have never tasted water so sweet as when you have nearly died from thirst. You have never tasted life so much as when you have faced the dessert in your own heart.

Change Won’t Change Everything

If you haven’t taken the risk to step outside your comfort zone then you should do it, but don’t forget change isn’t the answer to everything.

If you really want to change your life, sometimes what you have to do is not change. Instead, you have to stick with something that is hard and arduous. You stay not out of guilt or obligation, but because you have faith in your own heart and mind.

There is a big difference between being stuck and being determined. As you begin or continue your journey to change your life, remember: passion comes and goes, but knowing and living inline with our deep purpose creates the biggest change in our lives and in the world.

Photo by Jane Rahman

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34 thoughts on “This Story Doesn’t End the Way You Think It Will”

  1. Darrell Cherry

    “Illicit Plant Substance Entrepreneur” Funny!

    Man can I relate, not to the “illicit plant,” job but to the college degree you received. Mine was/is in Intellectual History. Sounds cool right? Pretty snooty too!

    It was fun to get, and I earned it knowing no one would care two hoots about it after I graduated. Oh well, kay sera sera.

    Your story really touched me because it hit so close to home. Learning to accept where we are while knowing it is not where we want to be at the moment is a hard thing to do. Having done so, we can more rationally work on a course of action to get to that better place.

    Thanks so much for laying yourself out there for us.

    DC

    1. Thanks for your comment DC. I’ve always been amazed by the power of honest sharing. It’s a practice that has touched me so many times when others have done it. And that has given me the courage to do it myself.

      Nice degree by the way. I think we both epitomize the tradition idea of a liberal arts education. :)

  2. A very beautiful story, and it outlines that people have different obstacles to face in finding the best solution for them. As someone who decided to alter my lifestyle two years ago to be my child’s primary caregiver, I know how you feel. This is something I’ve always wanted to do, but having been a more professional career person, giving everything up, even temporarily, as had its setbacks and brings doubts and fears. At first it was easy, but as I’m dealing with the toddler years, I sometimes struggle with this decision. It’s the worst when you have bad days; you want to just second guess yourself and completely reverse the decision you made.

    But when I’ve picked myself back up and seen how I’ve rebalanced my life to work only part-time and spend more time with my young child, I really don’t regret this choice. It just takes some real dedication and understanding that you know you’re on the right path, even on days when it feels like you’re not. Knowing you’re where you need to be right now, even if you have to sacrifice other choices to stick to what you’re doing, is very rewarding in the long run.

    1. Thanks for your kind word Deborah. I’m glad you talked about how some days it can feel like we made the wrong choice. I think that anyone who is trying to stick to a big change like that struggles with doubt from time to time. But it was true for me as well that when I stuck through the doubt I found something even more satisfying on the other end.

  3. Nonetheless, I very much liked the way the story ended. An important lesson. Often, chasing “passions” is simply an unconscious excuse for failing to face down the demons inside. But pretending the demons aren’t there, we end up being driven by them.

    1. You are so right david. There is a fine line between following your heart and following your endless desires. The former can lead you to a fulfilling life, but the latter can leave you feeling empty and hopeless. Thanks so much for commenting.

  4. I am seldom at a loss for words. I am, in fact, a bit of a “wordsmith”, at least as far as my friends describe me. I am a writer, though not one who’s confident in her abilities enough to pursue it as a career, so I became a registered nurse, who writes as a hobby, and doubts her abilities regarding both pursuits.

    I had a back injury at work and developed an opiate addiction in 06, stopped working in 07, when I realized that soon I would be unable to get through a shift without the drugs. So, for the sake of my patients and the tattered remains of my self- respect, I quit the job and became a full time drug addict. The story leading up to that fateful back injury is far too long and complicated to share in a comment box but I will say this. Just prior to the back injury (and resulting availability of pain medication), my only child was abused by a Catholic school teacher (in the 4th grade). My son fell apart, my limited support system fell apart, my coping skills fell apart and I began to medicate my emotional pain with the medicine prescribed for the back pain. This would open up a Pandora’s box that I am still struggling to find my way out of, and to help my son find his way out of, to this day (he will be 19 next month), including getting “clean” twice and relapsing twice.

    Yesterday, as I was getting ready to take my son out to dinner, to celebrate his graduating from high school after flunking out last year (and after nearly losing him around the same time). Despite my relapses, I have managed to hold it together enough to get him, if not myself, back on track and was overwhelmed with gratitude that he had gone from an emaciated, pale, depressed, substance abusing drop out, to guy who still has issues, but returned to repeat 12th grade, regained his weight, returned to the passionate pursuit of drumming, and graduated high school, after a long and profoundly difficult series of life events. This gratitude compelled me to give him a “graduation present” that I hope he never finds out about…I dumped my pills down the toilet. (he didnt know Id relapsed).

    Today I woke up and wondered how I would make it through the day. Even before the drugs I always suffered with that same chronic boredom and restlessness to which you refer in your story, and now, feeling naked and scared and uncertain….and full of doubt, I feared I couldnt make it through this day. Then I checked my in box, began reading your story and was moved, beyond words (even all of these words) by your eloquence, your ability to convey feelings and experiences that go straight to one’s soul and speak directly to it, the very words one needs to hear, exactly as they need to hear them.

    I would say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you have INDEED, found your calling and I for one, thank you sincerely for “sticking with it”.

    1. Cathy your comment nearly brought me to tears. I am honored by your honesty and am so glad that my humble words helped you in any small way they could.

      I know for myself that I couldn’t have stuck to my path with out the support of family and friends. I’m sure your son appreciates your support in more ways than you can ever imagine. I hope that you continue seeking out support in the form of inspiring words, community dialogue, and honest sharing.

      Struggling with addiction is one of the most difficult things any human can do. And it’s not something any of us should have to do alone.

      Your courage and honesty inspire me. Thanks so much for believing in your change and sticking to it for your son, yourself, and for everyone else who struggles to live life of joy after enduring immense hardship.

  5. This is the best post that I’ve read (so far) on this blog. There are always people willing to share their stories about just quitting and making dramatic changes to their lives, but rarely does anyone share what they’ve learned by staying put. So thank you for that. I am in a place now where I have to stay put for a while and I’m looking for strategies to “bloom where I’m planted” and it has been really hard. Your post is encouraging because I’ve never been a passion flower myself — a person who follows their passions wherever they may lead. I’ve always been too cautious for that. But I do know that there is a higher purpose and that I need to figure out what that is. So I am going to use your encouragement and remind myself that there is a big difference between staying stuck and being determined.

    1. I’m glad that you found some similarity in this perspective. I think it takes real patience and courage to stay where you are at and do the work you are given. Living at the monastery taught me that no matter what I am doing or how stuck I think I am there is always a way to grow.

      Sometimes that growth looks like changing the external. Our jobs, our location, our relationships, and our lifestyle. But often the harder growth is the kind that demands internal change. Our perspective, our confidence, our perseverance, our discipline, our compassion.

      I’m glad you have the discernment to know where your work is right now. Thanks so much for your comment.

  6. All the yes to that, Samuel. I am a classical guitarist. Reading music is easy for me after 26 years of it. I could read through entire anthologies in a day. But, I like mastering pieces, so as enticing as the constant change of new pieces would be, mastery is far more rewarding. The change will happen eventually, but there is also the change of going from a good read through to art.

    1. I think music is a great example of finding the joy in staying put. There are a few songs I play over and over that seem to reveal new nuances at turn.

      I also play guitar and I love that there are few standards I can always rely on to bring me back to when I first learned the joy of music. Each time I play and sing to them, they become this nexus this filter I can see my whole life through.

      Music is not only timeless, but offer a bottomless depth of investigation.
      Thanks so much for your comment.

      1. Thanks Toku! I like to think of returning to old pieces as a spiral. Each time I come back to an old piece, I am a bit closer to the target or in some cases further away;) Yes, like a great painting, or a place of natural beauty, something new is revealed to us each time we revisit. And the practicing, discipline and p[passion are indeed a microcosm for life. I love seeing life through that filter. It is what I know best. It has been there, in the greatest capacity, longer than anyone or anything.

      2. Thank you for your additionally inspiring reply to my earlier comment, I actually printed out part of your story, about the “desert of doubt” so I can re-read that powerful message wherever I am in the next few days. Thank you again. I will not keep commenting (I promise :) but with regard to these comments about the evocative power of music….and the stillness that can be found in it….I have only this to say….

        Sigur Ros “Untitled #3 (aka “Samskeyti”)

        I just saw them live in Boston and my eyes were filled with tears of joy, sadness, reflection, hope….which I felt simultaneously, throughout the entire show.

  7. Thank you for your story. It is inspiring to see that someone has made substantial changes to their life. I had a boss once who said that people couldn’t change. I beg to differ. We can change. It’s not easy and it usually doesn’t happen quickly, but we can change.

    I have been experiencing what several have mentioned…”staying put”. I underwent major surgery a couple of years ago and the recovery was slower than anticipated. My husband and I lost our business and my husband had to take a job that paid far less than what we were making. I felt I needed to be working, but physically I couldn’t work a 40 hr a week job. I would go back and forth, but finally determined that I needed to “stay put” and write. It’s been difficult financially, but my husband and I both have learned a lot about who we are and what our purposes are.

    I’ve learned to sit still, pray for God’s guidance, and look within to find my hearts desire. I know as I firmly set my mind to writing it will happen.

    1. Thanks for sharing your story Dena. It’s so easy to take our physical health for granted until it’s taken away from us. And when that happens it can be so hard to let go of how things used to be. Everything that happens to us can be an amazing tool for transformation. Sometimes these tools come in the forms of easy blessings and sometimes they come in the form of difficult blessings.

      I’m so glad you had the courage to follow your heart and do something that you love. Thanks for commenting.

  8. This is a great post which really hit me at every angle.

    You sound like a person who thrives on variety which is absolutely great. I myself enjoy variety of challenges which grow me into new directions.

    I believe that we discover our true nature when we are open to new experiences & grow with change.

    I feel that to know and understand one’s ability to cope with change is one of the most important realisations we can have. There are so many people who continue to do the same thing and receive the same result, and live with fear of what change may bring. A variety in lifestyle certainly pushes bounderies outside the comfort zone.

    I have learn’t so my by doing different jobs as well as pursuing my passions in life. Without such experience I would not know where I would go from here. I am super clear because every experience of my life has value and every experience has purpose.

    Sometimes we just need to look a bit deeper as to why we choose to live the life we have to understand it’s purpose. This is because we create every life experience through our intentions in way or another. Nice one Samuel : )

    1. I couldn’t agree more Paul. Living a satisfying life is all about learning to push the edges of our comfort zone. As we age often the size of our perspective shrinks and shrinks. And we have to push those edges out from time to time just to keep our view open and clear.

      Often the answers to our deep questions are right in front of us if we can only find the courage to open our eyes and look into the wisdom of our own rich life. Thanks for commenting.

  9. My husband and I were just having our afternoon iced tea and discussing this very topic: change. We are constantly working to prioritize, simplify, automate, and tweak our routines, habits, etc. While I commend those who have thrown off their hats to let them fly in the wind and land where they may, we have chosen to stay the course making small, incremental changes. Although leaving public school teaching, starting our own businesses, and losing over 50 combined pounds may seem monumental, it was the decision to keep moving steadily forward that made the difference. Questioning everything. I don’t think we’ll ever look back and say, “Ah, that was it, the day that was the big day, the day everything changed and we lived happily ever after.” We are happily ever after, now, today, and I think we will be tomorrow too. We’ll see!

    1. Thanks for your comment Tammy I’m reminded of something I learned in science class growing up. We had been talking about space travel and the teacher reminded us that if you travel from one planet to another a small error in navigation early on your trip can have big consequences.

      Changing your life is not always a sprint and your comment reminded me that often it’s the small changes that make such a huge difference in our lives. Thanks for reading.

  10. A little more than a month ago I turned my life upside down by quitting my job in pursuit of starting a business. I never thought of myself as risk adverse, but now I’m in this place where I miss some of the comforts of a steady job. I can pay bills through part-time work and (in theory) I have more time to spend on developing a business, but I feel the like I am being pulled in so many directions. I’m constantly evaluating my quality of life, and wondering what I can adjust to make things less stressful.

    One friend asked me why I didn’t just stick with the job and work on the business during my down time. I was unhappy, not challenged and the atmosphere in that space was so negative that I needed to get away. I guess I could have taken on a different full-time job, but I’m not so sure it would have been right. Looking back at my work & life experience, I don’t think that I have taken enough risks – it has all been very calculated and strategic. This is the first time where I have no idea if I will rise or plummet.

    My last job was just that…a job. I learned some interesting things, met some great people, but in the end it was not something full or purpose. I want to make a difference in the world, to show people how important creativity and the arts are to our development as human beings. I wasn’t doing that before. Hopefully, I’m driving toward that now.

    1. Thanks for your comment candice. Leaving steady work to follow our hearts can be scary and it’s easy to get caught in endless evaluation or whether or not we did the right thing.

      The truth is we will never know whether we did or not, but we can’t should have done anything. We can only accept our choices and move forward. Sticking to your new choice during times of doubt is really rewarding.

      As for sticking to that old job though it gave you safety is wasn’t giving you a challenge. I stayed where I was because that was the challenge for me. It sounds like you knew what you need to do to really challenge your life. I hope you keep driving towards that purpose that you are seeking.

  11. WoW! Because of your blog, sitting here at my job wondering where my career might take me,(should or shouldnt I apply for that job) I have had my “aha” moment!
    I have been searching for my life purpose for sometime now and it hit me like a lightening strike whilst reading your blog!
    Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou!
    Forever Grateful :) :) :)

    1. That’s AWESOME Karen. So often moments of inspiration can come just like that.

      What I always try to remember whenever I have an AHA moments is that this amazing moment lasts only a brief time, but my ability to put it into practice takes a lifetime. Deep insight is the greatest blessing when we see our purpose and then make that purpose an important part of our everyday life.

  12. I think we have the same resume.

    Great points. I saw myself in them, especially in my 20s. Fear, dissatisfaction – I don’t know what drove it. In my 30s, I’ve realized I can’t learn from a situation if I have one foot out the door, before I’m even settled in. I just wrote a post, about trying to be “still” in several life areas, based your article. http://themeantimediaries.com/post/54488849581/being-still#.UdOvsmAVQzQ

    Thanks for reminding me I’m not alone and that the best way to figure things out sometimes is to do absolutely nothing.

    1. I’m always happy to meet another soul with occupational ADD. I look forward to reading your post.

      It’s so true what you said about living with one foot out the door.

      There is a famous saying that is often misquoted. Most people quote the saying like this, The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step”

      But originally it was “the journey of a thousand miles starts with the ground underneath your feet.” This version of the quote reminds us that we can only create amazing transformation when we are willing to truly stand where we are.

      Thanks for sharing your comment.

  13. Hi Samuel,

    Very interesting post sharing a fascinating journey. I think finding that deep purpose is the key. There is a difference between what we think is a passion and what really is a passion. Most of the time I find that my own and other peoples passions were more whimsical ‘want-to’s’ rather than meaningful aligned passions. It really is about exploring ourselves to find out what matters most to us, what underpins our drive or ‘passion’ to do something and how we can live in accordance with those. There is a Nietzsche quote that I think sums this up that is something like ‘once we understand the why, we can endure almost any how’. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks keith. Indeed deep purpose is so important.
      I have followed lots of passions that were more whims and deep desire.
      I think it took sticking to something hard for me to see when it really meant to have deep passion that was aligned with deep purpose.

      Thanks for the comment and the quote.

  14. mahavir nautiyal

    Change is good if the present circumstances seem to be stifling my creativity or not providing a scope for blossoming of my innate talent. Change, of course, gives a thrill but staying put and changing the surroundings is a challenge. Passion for change should come from within and one should be prepared for the initial set backs, which are more likely.

  15. Excellent!

    Your post came at a great time for me as I struggle with the day to day frustrations of having my own website.

    I had never heard of the concept of looking past the passion to your purpose.

    Finding your passion and finding your purpose are often used inter-changeably. But they are not. Thank you for pointing that out and helping me focus on my purpose and not on any momentarily missing passion.

    People don’t teach you as you are growing up that the hardest work you’ll ever do is ‘inner work’ on yourself. Then again, you probably wouldn’t listen anyway.

    1. I’m glad it helped natalie. For me purpose is where I start and passion is what I enjoy when it’s around. If it stays away for too long then I start to look at what is happening, but I know that passion can fade while purpose lasts.

      Thanks for the comment.

  16. Just a little follow up to my very lengthy comment above….

    Still clean and sober! And played a big role in my success thus far. Ive been meditating for several years, but the quality of my meditation was profoundly effected by the substance issue, as you might imagine. So I didnt have much faith in it being able to get me through this. Your post truly reinforced my faith in the power of stillness and stillness is what is carrying me through this rough time. Thank you again my friend, so glad to have found you and your blog!!. <3

  17. Thank you so much for this post, it describes exactly where I am at this very moment. I have always followed my passions, which have led at various times to pain, heartbreak, career change, love, and adventure. In short, life is never dull when you do exactly what you want, when you want. I even thought I was incredibly brave and had things sussed out over friends and people around me who lived in the same places without moving, stayed in the same relationships, jobs etc. and who I felt where not pushing themselves. I think I have been hugely wrong and judgemental. It is so true, that following your passions is exciting, but at the same time I don’t know what exactly I have ‘built’ so far in my life, and if I have really grown. When the going gets tough, or when I feel like a change, I have no qualms about dropping everything and taking off for new challenges. Right now, I am staying put and trying to ‘build’. It’s not easy, it’s not always fun and definitely not always exciting…but this post has made me realise that you build for a higher purpose, not for instant gratification, and if I can stay put long enough and follow through with my present course in life, the rewards are likely to be great later on.

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