Mindset

Dealing with the Calm Before the Storm

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As I write this, I am less than two weeks away from the birth of my second child. Life as I know it now will be dramatically different once the new child is born. In some ways, I will re-learn what it means to be a parent, as all children are different. My expectations will break and reform as I navigate the world of raising both a toddler and an infant. I will need to help my elder daughter cope with this dramatic transition. I have no idea when I’m supposed to sleep during all of this. There’s only one thing I know for certain: things will change, and not always in the way I expect them.

I call these periods before dramatic change the “calm before the storm.” We’ve all experienced them. Leaving for college, changing jobs, coping with relationship changes, and many other situations can create these little pockets of borrowed time. There are two general facets to dealing with them: “enjoy your last moments of familiarity” vs. “prepare yourself for change.”

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7 Steps to Right-Sizing the Fear of What Others Think

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fear of what others think

I suffer from Fearwot! It stops me from taking actions ranging from buying shoes to speaking in front of large audiences to promoting my business. In essence, it keeps me playing small and it keeps me feeling really, really frustrated.

Fearwot is fear of what others think. And, it can stop me in my tracks! Let me give you just one small example. I was in a shoe store the other day and I saw this great pair of red patent leather shoes. I loved them, and, they seemed to love me back. I could see myself wearing them and feeling really hip and powerful. But then I started thinking, ‘What would Beth, my ultraconservative sister, think of them and of me for buying them.’ And suddenly, my enthusiasm for the shoes waned. That’s Fearwot in action. Sound familiar?

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How to Breakthrough Ten Common Fears

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common fears

Fear can be defined as an anxious feeling, caused by our anticipation of imagined, stories, events and experiences. Most of our fears are about the future.

When I took speech in college, I was excited and eager to learn. I’ve always been social and outgoing and I’ve lived a challenging and adventurous life. I thought my stories would interest and help others. I was ready to share. The first time I stood up in front of the class, I was anxious and nervous. After about five minutes, I couldn’t go on. In front of everyone, my voice cracked and I began to cry. I quickly returned to my seat. I thought I would die from embarrassment.

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Why I Hated Basketball

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I hated basketball in high school. My friend Dave and I would make sure we were on opposite teams in gym class. Because we loved to compete against each other? Nope. We wanted to guard each other so well that nobody would ever throw the ball to us!

It was really more like hiding than guarding. That was our plan, and it worked well. Dave and I rarely tried to catch the ball and never took a shot.

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The Mindset Shift That Changed My Life

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mindset shift

I have a confession to make. I haven’t always been a big picture thinker. I wasn’t always proactive. I haven’t always had aspirations to change the world. Rewind 7 years, and I was just another dumb kid coasting along in life. I had no long-term plan in mind, no money, and all I thought about was how long I was going to be able to play video games that day.

In high school I did well enough. I operated with the thought that I would go through college, get a good job, and live a nice comfortable lifestyle, but I had no idea what it was going to be like. I went through college with the same mindset, thinking my degree was going to get me all I needed to life the life of my dreams. I wasn’t much of a go-getter. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was lost, and I was spiraling towards a life of insignificance.

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What If You Could Turn Off Pain?

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I have an admission to make: I am a man. The reason this will matter is I am about to talk about the pain of childbirth. What could a man possibly know about it, right? So I have a request: give me the benefit of the doubt for now.

It all started when my wife went into labor with our first child. I’m an empathetic guy and my little lady was suffering. She was only 127 pounds at nine months pregnant and our daughter who was about to be born was almost seven of those pounds. She was having a natural childbirth so she wanted no drugs before the child was born. That was all very noble when this was all just theory but now it was really happening.

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Leave the Judgment Behind

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leave judgment behind

This past Sunday in Los Angeles, I spent a beautiful day with my Dad playing golf to celebrate his birthday. Although I was grateful to spend time with my Dad, the golf part was extremely frustrating. I hit a few great drives straight down the fairway, rolled a bunch of golf balls about twenty yards in front of the tee, and managed to successfully lose a lot of balls in the rough. Overall, I enjoyed very inconsistentresults. Since I only play once every three to four months is it even realistic to expect better results? The obvious answer is no but most of us do and then we are disappointed and make a false conclusion that “golf is not our game.”

Although I played tennis competitively in college and on the professional tour, golf continues to be a challenging sport for me (and many). Here’s the thing: I never practice golf and don’t make it a priority in my life. SO the obvious question is why expect anything other than inconsistent results?

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Music Changed My Mind

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During my childhood, I always kept a few albums and a record player in my bedroom. I even sang in choir during grade school and junior high. Still, music never really played a fundamental role in my life. In fact, it took decades before music changed my mind.

Looking back, I realize that I kept letting one thing – a guitar – escape my grasp. On some long-ago Christmas, one before I was even 10-years-old, my parents gave me a kid’s cowboy guitar. I can still see the orange-like color of that guitar’s body, with a rope painted along the edges. I strummed it some, made some awful sounds, and soon stopped even reaching for it.

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5 Ways to Change Your Mind About Change

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Change is inevitable. No matter what you do, you will, at some point (and probably at many points) experience change. Whether it’s good or bad, you will have to deal with it and, even when change is a good thing, you might find it difficult to accept it.

Personally, I struggle with change. Even good change can be tricky for me to deal with. For example, about six months ago I left my job to focus on my site, PositivelyPresent.com, full time. I initiated this change—and was thrilled about it—but it was still a struggle to get used to the idea that I would be in control of my own business.

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