Relationships & Love

I used to have a list. He had to be tall. He definitely had to be smart. He had to have brown hair and blue eyes, hmmm.. I guess dark eyes are also OK. The list went on and on. I had many relationships where I tried to stick as close as possible to this list, most of which didn’t last for more than a few months. But then, I seemed to hit the jackpot.

This man satisfied every requirement I had ever had to the ‘T’. He was tall, exceptionally smart, had the same religious background as me, and spoke all the same languages. To top it all off, he had those sparking, deep blue eyes. I was certain that I had found my life partner.

Has your jealousy ever turned you into someone you barely recognize in the mirror? Whether it was towards a co-worker who got the promotion didn’t get, the jealousy between siblings or the jealousy brewing within a relationship, jealousy is something everyone has experienced in their life.

I thought my jealousy was going to completely ruin my relationship. However, I never thought I’d be grateful for my jealousy in the long run.

Not many people like to compromise, and why should they? A compromise means two people need to exchange something, but one or both can’t easily come to an agreement. Whether it’s negotiating a work-related partnership or negotiating who will do the dishes at home, we want things to work out in our favor.

When we use the term “compromise,” we often use it to describe something in which we lost more than we gained, but coming to a compromise doesn’t have to be a losing game. Notice how the word breaks down: “com” and “promise,” or in other words, “we make a pledge together.” That means you should be getting something out of the deal.

I have 2 beautiful and smart daughters that are full of good moral and quality character. I couldn’t be more proud. Fatherhood is an awesome journey for me. As the journey continues with my “girls” entering adulthood, I sometimes sit and think about how I’ve raised them and if I did a good enough job.

I know it’s not all about me, but a man can’t help but wonder if he’s made a difference. As I reflect I realize that I’ve learned as much on this journey as they have.

When we experience resentments, we are forcing ourselves to repeatedly feel angry, hurt, annoyed, or upset about a single situation. We all experience feelings of resentment at various times in our lives. What we don’t realize, is that this masochistic cycle of self-obsession only hurts ourselves.

I realized that by holding onto resentments, I was ruining my life. I didn’t realize that my resentments were weighing me down with negativity which prevented me from being able to live in the moment, or experience gratitude. I desperately wanted to be able to access happiness, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose. But, in order for me to feel content with my life and experience genuine serenity, I had to first let go of my resentments that were holding me back from being truly happy.

Attachment theory was something I learned about as an undergrad in psychology; a concept that was studied, memorized for the test and discarded from memory shortly afterwards. I never thought the term would have any real relevance in my own life.

My “aha moment” occurred during a wellness retreat in Northern New Mexico when I realized that my relationship with my mother has been a powerful influence on my interactions with men. My mother!? Really? And all this time I thought my “daddy issues” were the source of all problems in my romantic relationships!

Interested in having more likeminded people in your life? Who wouldn’t, right? Finding these people can be extremely easy, if you go about it smartly. You are a unique person with unique interests. But you might not have people in your life to share these interests with. Where are these people hiding? If the internet has proved anything, it’s that you’re not alone. These days, you can find thousands of people around the world with interests similar to yours.

Interacting with these people online is great, but it doesn’t compare to actually meeting with them in the real world. Unfortunately, it isn’t as easy to find these people in the flesh. But there’s one convenient technique that allows these people to find you, instead of you having to search for them.

We like to think we know our family and dearest friends, down to the deepest detail. Without telepathy, though, we can never truly know what it’s like to walk in their shoes.

Take one of my good friends, who gave birth to her son around the same time I had my daughter. We had eerily similar birth experiences: the first few hours of labor went okay, but the baby’s heartbeat began to drop so we had emergency C-sections. We hold the same values on parenting, so we exchange advice on breast feeding and sleep training. We both gave up full-time jobs to become full-time mothers. Our situations are so similar that I didn’t know how to respond when she asked me last week, “Why is being a mother so easy for you?”