Taking Fair Responsibility: It’s Not All Your Fault

it's not your fault

Do you blame yourself for other people’s problems? Are you constantly apologizing for things which aren’t your fault, or your responsibility?

Some of us have a tendency to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We worry about our partners, our friends and our children, trying to do everything in our power to ensure that they’re happy.

When something goes awry for someone close to us, we blame ourselves:

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Are You Choosing the Right Challenges?

challenge

I think this is one the most important articles I’ve written. I think this topic is so important, and it’s rarely talked about.

I wasted a lot of time in my life and gone through a lot of suffering because I didn’t get it, and I’ve watched a lot of friends, colleagues, and classmates do the same. If you agree, please share the message.

As a coach, I’m frequently in conversation with clients and friends facing dilemmas. Option 1 or Option 2? Job A or Job B? School C or School D?

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Free Online Audiobooks: The Essential Guide

One of my favorite things to do is curl up with a good book. However, with a long commute and a couple of young, energetic boys (ages 2 & 3) it’s rare that I get time to kick back and read. That’s why I love audio books so much – they allow me to enjoy books while I’m on the go.

I typically listen to 3-4 audio books per month. Two of these audio books I get because I’m a member of Audible (the world’s largest provider of digital audio books for download). In the past I also downloaded the other 1-2 audio books from Audible, but eventually I got tired of paying extra for these and decided to see what free audio books were available online for download. I was pleasantly surprised by what I found.

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Five Myths About Change

change myths

Change is so ubiquitous and pervasive that we ought to be familiar with it, and yet we continually fail to respond well to change. Often, this is a result of our not having thought carefully about the nature of change, and our tendency to accept common beliefs about it.

Myth #1: You can change other people, given time.

Reality: Other people cannot be forced to change under any circumstances. To try to change another person by force is a waste of time and energy. A wise man once observed that you shouldn’t try to teach a pig how to sing: it doesn’t get you anywhere and it annoys the pig.

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Whose Story Are You Living?

whose story are you living

Do you ever find yourself telling someone you’ve recently met the story of your life? You probably don’t think of it as a story, because to you it’s all factual. Truth is, we place a lot of interpretation on our life story. And when you remember how it was from the present day perspective, you often distort fact from interpretation. When you do tell your story, do you look at it and wonder if it’s the story you would have written for yourself? Do you ever wonder whose story you are living?

Ask yourself this question: “Am I living a life of my own design, following my passions and interests, or am I following my family, friends, or society, living someone else’s dreams?” If you now realize that you are not living your chosen life story, it is time to take a look at what you’d like to change. If you’ve been doing the same career or business, living the same lifestyle, keeping too busy to take time to observe your life and your feelings, it may be time to take a time out and see what’s really important to you.

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What It Takes to Stay

what it takes to stay

I’ve been thinking lately about how there is a lot of interest in “finding” in our culture: finding the right mate, finding the right job, finding the right pair of shoes. There are endless articles, techniques, and ideas about how to find that right thing.

Much less attention is paid to staying, how to sustain the goodness of what you’ve found. How do we help good things continue to be good, over the long haul?

Staying with lots of resentments, with the feeling that you’ve settled, with a litany of complaints…all of that is easy, and it’s common.

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Taking Inspired Action

inspired action

Never confuse motion with action. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Have you watched a cat who is trying to catch something tasty for dinner? As a kid, I often used to watch our cat in the garden. She would find a spot on the ground where she could lie hidden under some foliage and would sit there, motionless, for a very long time. She was clearly very alert, however, and the slightest sound or movement would elicit a slight but sharp turn of the head. As soon as she saw something which she thought might make a tasty snack, she would lock onto it, wait until it came close enough, and then – at just the right moment – suddenly pounce. She usually got her prey, and I don’t think the bird or mouse ever saw what was coming.

We have been taught, for the most part, that we need to work hard to get anywhere in life. Nothing comes easy, right? Success comes from persistence, determination, blood, sweat and tears. Part of this may well be true – clarity about where we are heading and persistence are important. But I don’t believe that a great deal of effort is needed to get where we want to be. It’s more about the kind of action we take. Call it ‘working smart.’ Our cat knew all about it. I like the phrase ‘inspired action’ since this really gets to the heart of the matter. We need do something: it’s no use sitting around and expecting results to just happen. But we need to do the right thing. When we take just the right action at just the right time, amazing things can happen. We can learn a lot from the way our cat went about things.

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What Are You Denying Yourself?

deny

Most of us aren’t shameless hedonists. Our approach to life isn’t to grab as much fun and excitement as possible, seeking thrills and highs. Instead, we take a look at the big picture, and we think about financial security, the people we love, the career path we want to follow, our health, and our long term goals.

Along the way, though, we can end up veering too far away from pleasure-seeking. We end up denying ourselves quite unnecessarily – and ultimately, we can feel empty and drained. There may even come a time when we wonder what the point of life is any more, or when we question whether we truly can ever be happy.

So what are you denying yourself? Is it one of these big three?

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How to Heal Anxiety

how to cure anxiety

Anxiety is a condition, just like any other, that can wreak havoc on your life and leave you stressed, lonely, unemployed, and just generally all-around miserable. This is where I found myself when I was struggling with social anxiety disorder (SAD) and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). However, again much like any other condition, it is something that can be treated successfully, and you can reach the opposite extreme where you have tons of wonderful friends, fulfilling employment, romantic success, and a general feeling of happiness and well-being.

So, how do you heal anxiety? Unfortunately, for many the solution is to visit the doctor and see which type of medication he prescribes. This is one possible step that you can take, but like any other condition, using a more comprehensive approach enhances the level of success you experience. If clichés make more sense to you, “you get out of it what you put into it.” Besides taking a few steps, there is an additional point to keep in mind: what works for one person may not work for another; it is up to you to build your own plan based on what experience teaches you.

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Don’t Think About It. Do These 5 Things Instead.

dont think about it

Most of us learned early in life that “thinking about it” is always a good idea. That is what reasonable, intelligent people do when they have a big decision in front of them, right? They think about it.

The truth is that quite often, when it comes to the big questions in our lives — Should I take the job? Should I start the business? Should I marry her? Should I relocate? — thinking gets us stuck.

By thinking, I don’t mean all neurological activity. I mean our everyday definition of thinking: the furrowed brow, fist at chin, solitary activity in which we muse on a subject, evaluate pros and cons, make internal arguments and then supposedly “figure it out.” This often leaves us more confused than when we started, further away from our own answers.

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7 Tips to Beat the Winter Work Blues

unhappy at work

When it’s cold we want to hibernate, stay tucked under the covers and just sleep. We know this happens every year, but every time winter sets in we get those blues that we can’t escape. It’s like Pepé Le Pew chasing after us.

I know what I’m talking about because my winter blues were my arch nemesis when I lived in Pennsylvania. My depressive state would kick in from any little thing, a somewhat negative comment from a co-worker or a rejection of an idea at work. I always walked a thin line that could break at any moment.

I was happy during the weekends because I had the freedom to stay underneath the covers and ignore the rest of the world, but as soon as Sunday night came around the work blues would start. The work week would begin and the negative thoughts would envelope me like Pepé Le Pew’s smell.

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