Mindset

Aikido changed my life. When I first started, I was hesitant and scared. I had trained in martial arts before, but I’d always had a mental block that held me back from giving it everything I had. I constantly looked to my trainer (or Sensei) for approval.

I was constantly second-guessing myself. But one day, everything changed.

How many times have you gotten right to the precipice of major life change only to fall back into old, comfortable habits, leaving your goals hanging in the ether? For me, it’s been countless.

Having fought so hard to overcome clinical depression, OCD and my battle with weight loss, I’ve roller-coastered all over the place. Every time I seemed to get to that tipping point, it felt like something would shove me full-force right back into my old habits! It’s one of the most frustrating experiences. You know change is possible; other people have done it.

I looked at my bank account online this morning and saw my balance is $-0.01. AAAAAAAACK!!! Intellectually, I know this is temporary. I know that it was caused by a “perfect storm” of bad timing revolving around deposits, withdrawals and a bank holiday. I know that more money is coming to me. But in this exact moment, I can’t help but feel panicked.

The trick I’ve learned, and the reason that I’m sharing this deeply personal, and potentially embarassing information with you, is that I need to make a distinction between “having no money” and “being worthless”.

Some days, lessons come from the most unexpected sources. And usually, these kinds of “eye-opening” experiences are the most transformative.

Such was the experience one day – some 25 years ago.

Ever since I can remember I’ve wanted to get the hell out of small town life in England and move to North America. I’ve always felt like the USA is where I’m supposed to be, and I can’t tell you how many times my wings have been battered and bruised through beating at the bars of the cage I’ve imagined myself in.

The opportunities aren’t here. The people here aren’t my kind of people. The choices are limited here. All along I’ve seen going to the USA as the answer to the question of “What am I to be?”, and over the years I’ve looked at all kinds of ways to make the move, but short of taking a corporate job or marrying into a green card I’ve been kinda stuck.

Let me be the first to say that I believe heart and soul in the power of perseverance. I busted my tail through several college degrees, always studying hard to get the most out of the experience. I worked for a start-up company where long hours and imminent deadlines were the norm. I powered through those days, learning a ton in the process. Now with a 1-year-old child, I’ve had all the stereotypical experiences that define new motherhood: sleepless nights and constant worry. These experiences have helped define me and I would not trade them for the world.

That being said, they are not the only things that have defined me.

Does it ever feel like you’re being swept along by life, powerless to implement any positive changes?

We often use phrases like “oh, that’s just life” or “life isn’t fair” – and while these can sometimes help us accept daily ups and downs, they also give the impression that life isn’t really under our control.

The truth is that you probably have more control (and at least more influence) than you think.