Personal Change

My journey of change ran head first into a brick wall in 2012. I have never been one to follow the conventional route, so it certainly wasn’t the first obstacle I’ve met. This was different, it didn’t just stop me in my tracks, it floored me. I lost my health. Always a pillar in my life, my health and fitness were a constant that I relied on. In July, a headache started that never went away. It became debilitating before a bleed was discovered on my brain.

Fast forward to April 2013. I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. My energy is returning, I no longer have to nap every couple hours. I am going to be all right. The condensed version always sounds better, doesn’t it? In the context of personal pain or hardship, shortening the story somehow makes it more manageable. It isn’t so and we shouldn’t do it.

When I was 10 years old I changed schools. My sister had been a pupil at that school for two years when I started and was the school sporting champion. Because of my sister’s sporting prowess I was welcomed by the teachers and other students with open arms and for a couple of weeks I was popular. However, once the teachers and students discovered that I was hopeless at sport no one wanted me on their team, that was when I decided that I was always going to be hopeless at sport and that I was never going to be humiliated like that again.

I made the decision that I was going to avoid all forms of exercise.

At some time or another, we have all felt like we’re stuck in a rut. No matter what we try or what we do, everything around us stays the same. Even worse, when we try to change, we end up feeling like the same old person. No amount of New Year’s resolutions, self-help books, or community groups can make us feel different.

I certainly can relate to feeling stuck. Deciding to be a stay-at-home mom these past 18 months has meant my days have melded into one long string of diaper changes, laundry, reading board books, and singing the same songs over and over again. Sure, I attend play dates and library story hour, but time still runs together.