Self Discovery

Some of us have had a tough go of it in life. We have had experiences, maybe starting at a very young age, that have affected our self-esteem, relationships, and ability to succeed in life. We might be dealing with depression or anxiety or have difficulty coping. These experiences are commonly called “wounds.” We feel damaged and strive to heal through psychotherapy and reading self-help books. We think that if we fix the broken parts of ourselves, we will eventually feel normal again.

The assumption embedded in this focus on self-improvement is that happiness (or contentment, peace) is a state that we might attain some time in the future once all our problems are solved. It is easy to forget, but essential to remember that: we are already whole.

Do you often feel guilty about things that you aren’t doing – or things that you are doing? Do you find yourself saying “I really should…” or “I know I’m supposed to…” or “I must…”? Are you trying to live up to someone else’s values?

There are so many pressures on us to conform. You might think that you have your own priorities straight (and that you’re failing to meet your own standards), but chances are, you’re being influenced by a lot of external pressures. These could come from:

One of the most significant breakthroughs in my personal growth happened when I admitted to myself that I felt like an impostor.

I’d been practicing law for around two years. My colleagues and clients consistently told me how much they appreciated my work. However, I was constantly plagued by a nagging suspicion that all the praise wouldn’t last. Eventually, I’d make a major mistake, or people would learn something embarrassing about me, and the image they’d formed of me as smart and competent would fall apart. It was as if I was an impostor—a fraud posing as a good lawyer—and sooner or later I’d be found out.

When this anxiety arose, my usual approach would be to deny it and insist to myself that I was the real deal. “No, that’s not true,” I’d tell myself. “I’m brilliant, hardworking, and all-around awesome.” Sometimes, this would temporarily pick up my mood. But invariably, the sinking sense that I wasn’t actually good at what I did, and that eventually my “deception” would be discovered, would return.

Well Heath Ledger is dead – another young person gone in their prime. I must admit this loss hit me harder than your average death as Heath hailed from my home city of Perth, was also a father, and apparently battled depression.

Why is it that Heath Ledger and all these other celebrities we see going to rehab – Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, etc – are/ were seemingly so unhappy? They have the world at their fingertips, right? Well from my experience there is more to happiness then first meets the eye. The depression I mentioned at the start of the article is now long behind me, and I would like to share what I consider to be 4 key ingredients to a happy life that may help to explain all this unhappiness we see.