Personal Change

“The key to change… is to let go of fear” – Rosanne Cash

New Year resolutions are easy to list or write, but can be difficult to implement. New Year resolutions are about change. We all see the beginning of a new year as an opportunity to change certain habits or start new ways of life. We all want to change, but certain factors, such as fear, hold us back.

The key to change is to let go of fear. As Dorothy Thompson put it, ‘Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live’. To begin to live is to begin to live without fear; it’s to be able to change without fear. We live in a society that fears failure. Many times, we want to make a change in our careers, social lives, or family traditions or religion, but fear prevents us from achieving these goals. Fear is like a virus that wrecks havoc in our lives. It develops into mistrust, anxiety, worry, hopelessness, and other negative emotions. It paralyzes us and hinders our progress in life. When fear grips you, you become powerless. It’s the greatest obstacle to personal success.

My life changed with a spade fork in my hand and the hard earth under my feet. I was a screwed up and angry fifteen year old, standing in my family’s backyard vegetable garden. Red eyed and brain fogged from heavy drinking and chain-smoking pot the night before, I was in a pretty ugly state. It was a Saturday morning in the spring, and my parents had gone away to the country for the weekend, leaving me home alone, much to my relief of not having to go with them.

My father left me with a project for the weekend. He asked me to dig up the family garden, which was hard and compacted after the long winter. Next to going away with mom and dad, digging up that garden was the last thing I wanted to do with my weekend.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~ Maria Robinson, American author

Have you already identified an area of your life you want to change, but you keep putting off doing something about it? Perhaps you’ve read all the ‘how to’ guides under the sun and researched every technique needed to make that change a reality… yet you don’t ever take any action.

I’m sure at one time or another you’ve promised yourself that you’ll begin a new habit another day: you’ll give up smoking tomorrow; you’re going to eat more healthily from Monday; you’ll be more confident at next week’s team meeting. All too often, however, the promised day passes by and still you haven’t done anything to achieve your goal.

There is a very easy way to change another person’s life, and it involves doing nothing directly or intentionally for them.

Back in 2008 I published two stories on PickTheBrain by Stephen Hopson that illustrated the profound and lasting impact a single person can have on our life. In these stories, Stephen shared how a teacher who belted out “THAT’S RIGHT STEPHEN!” gave him the confidence to overcome the insecurities he held due to being deaf.

Very often, as was the case in Stephen’s stories, the person who changes us does not even realize the positive and profound impact they have had. Why? Because they have not done anything directly and/ or intentionally for us. Rather, they have simply been living their own life in such a manner that we can’t help be changed for the better.

A lot of us try – and try hard – to make changes in our lives. We’re keen, we’re motivated, we may even have a step-by-step plan.

For a while, it works. Maybe we successfully start eating more healthily, or take up an exercise routine. Maybe we manage to leave work at 5pm every day. Maybe we take a big step – like starting a family or quitting a job – and hope that this solves problems, like our struggles with time-management or our tendency to procrastinate.

Being inspired to change is great. But it’s hard to ignore the reality that lots of us want to change – and lots of us do start making changes – only to end up backsliding.

Many of us have been taught to strive for being number 1, to be the best at whatever we do. There are certain things in life where it is not possible to be the best, simply because there is no best. One thing that is certain is that it is possible to be your best self, meaning the best person you can possible be.

Let me explain…