Building Positive Friendships: Modern Tools and Old-Fashioned Self-Understanding

positive friendships

“How can someone you’ve never met possibly be considered a friend?” This challenge was posed to an old friend of mine, one who has “been there” for me in person in years past and now stays in touch via the internet. But can it actually work the other way round? Can we make “real friends” through technology, meeting them in person only later, if at all? Are the friends we make through non-traditional means actually “real friends”?

Modern technology has changed almost every aspect of life, and so it’s no small thing to consider: What exactly is a friend? What types of friends do I want? Who are my real friends? The answers deserve careful thought and reflection. No two people are going to come up with exactly the same definitions, filters and requirements. Whether we consciously know it or not, we all have a set of rules and definitions for friendship.

These rules are so much a part of us that we may get knocked for a loop when our “friends” do things that violate our rules—which may or may not be *their* rules. So how do you sort out it all out? In building a positive life, friendship can be one of the best parts of our world. It’s worth taking the time to understand our own minds and hearts. The best place to start is by taking the time to get to know what the terms “friend” and “friendship” mean to each of us.

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A New Take on Work-Life Balance

work life balance

The curse of the 21st century is that we spend our time trying to succeed in everything at once – work, our significant relationship, family, exercise, friendships, keeping the perfect house, the perfect garden…

No matter how hard I try I never succeed at everything. If I work hard I don’t have time to walk my dog. Go out with friends? I need to clean the house. Create some art? It never happens. Is this exhausting perfectionism really what is meant by a work-life balance? Can we really do it all?

When I am busy at work I just don’t have the head space or emotional energy to cope with doing anything else. If I put more effort into my personal life I find being at work such a bore. I want to be out doing all those fun things that matter to me personally, not being stuck at work. Instead of neatly balanced, my work-life scales are swinging wildly.

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50 Things To Be Thankful For

thankful

One of the most popular online videos last week was a very funny interview Conan O’Brien did the comedian Louis CK. Louis makes the observation that although we have so many amazing things these days (eg high speed internet access on airplanes), people still don’t seem to be happy. If you haven’t seen it already, I recommend you watch Everything’s Amazing, Nobody’s Happy (sorry, YouTube won’t let me embed the video into this post).

This video reminded me that it is very easy to take many wonderful things in our lives for granted. If we can only learn to look at life a little differently, it is possible to find an abundance of things to be thankful for.

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Loving The Life You Have, Not The One You Think You Want

loving life you have

Do you love your life? Or do you sometimes feel dissatisfied, certain that you’d be a lot happier if you had a bigger home, better relationships, more money, exciting leisure activities, the respect of your peers…

So many of us keep striving for happiness, convincing ourselves that a new computer game or outfit, a pay rise or a vacation, will somehow bring us closer. Many of us equate happiness with success – and success with money. But plenty of rich people aren’t happy.

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Mind Power: How Your Internal Filter Can Create Peace, Happiness and Joy

mind power

As I’m sure you’re well aware, our minds are amazing tools. In humans, we’ve been able to use our minds to understand how earth began millions of years ago, build space shuttles that can take us to the moon and understand the most complex of mathematical problems.

Without our mind we wouldn’t be able to survive. However, there are some aspects to our mind that aren’t so beneficial. As a race, our minds have led to the deaths of millions of people around the world. And many people are so depressed, and in so much pain, that they feel the only way out is suicide.

Before you think this is going to be a negative post, don’t worry. It isn’t. My aim today is to help you see how our mind is often simply a filter to how we view the world, and that we have the power to change our outlook on all situations. Hopefully, by the end of this post, you should have a better understand of how this works, and how you can use your own mind to create lasting happiness, positivity and joy inside yourself.

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The Beauty of Breathing

breathing

Breathing is the one thing we all do the moment we emerge into the world and it’ll be the last thing we all do right before we leave. Breathing as we all know is a constant necessity for continued physical existence. We must all breathe a number of times a minute and when you take a moment to consider the beauty of breathing a number of important facts become readily apparent and can act as a grounding force to bring you back from being caught up in day-to-day trivialities.

For instance, when I contemplate breathing the very first thing that strikes me is how very interdependent the whole process is. The breath is actually the main method of waste disposal used by our bodies. We expel what to our bodies are toxins and take in what we need to live. The toxins we expel are used by other organic life forms such as plants and they in turn expel the oxygen we need to live. The deeply interconnected and lovingly symbiotic relationship is there for each of us to see and fully experience each and every moment.

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What Do You See?

see

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” ~ Peace Pilgrim

Although I do often write from a personal perspective, I rarely reveal specifics surrounding my daily life. Today is different. I lost my job on Thursday. I am now among the millions of unemployed … a number that we all know is growing daily. While there is intellectual comfort in knowing that we are not alone, when faced with looming bills to be paid, those numbers mean little.

As I sent out emails, letting friends and old contacts know of the situation (ie: Help! I’m looking for a job!!), many wrote back expressing sorrow and talking about the difficulties of finding work in these extraordinarily challenging economic times. One, in particular, stood out … “Glad to see that your spirits are up!! Mine were down when XXXX let me go. However…. persistence will prevail.” Yes, persistence will prevail, no doubt, but that’s not what struck me. What made me stop for a moment was the comparison … that in my note to him it was evident that I looked at things differently. That I wasn’t going to let the reality of the situation change my attitude toward life. Why, or why not?

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How To Get Yourself Out of a Bad Mood

bad mood

We all have times when we need to get out of a bad mood, or escape from a negative frame of mind.

I know I need to make an effort to change how I’m feeling when I find myself spiraling into a black mood. I might be unreasonably angry, irritable or tearful. I might be in one of those moods which we all get from time to time – wanting to scream, or hit something (or someone). Obviously, this isn’t pleasant for me or for the people around me, and it destroys my ability to focus on doing anything productive.

So I’ve found, partly through trial-and-error, and partly through reading the advice of others, things which help me to pull myself out of a bad mood.

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Following My Heart (All the Way to Mexico…)

following my heart

About a half hour north on a dirt road off the highway is a small tin roof stand selling Coco Frio, ice cold, fresh coconuts. We stop for a drink. They slice off the top of the green football sized fruits, plop in a straw and the cool watery liquid slides down into the depths of my heated body. It’s the rainy season and oh, so hot and humid. I feel a breeze from a passing car, my eyes following it with longing. Any breeze is a sacred gift.

We drive another hundred meters or so to another dirt road, this one guiding us far from the sounds of the highway into rolling fields and then…the jungle. It surrounds the river like a lush elegant cloak, vibrating with life, with energy, with humidity I can taste. We drive through mud, rocks, even fording the river once or twice. We get out, gather our back packs already wet with heavy air, and begin our trek. The birds tempt me to miss my steps. What color was that one? The plants whisper secrets. I am glowing with intrigue, hardly able to act like a normal human being. It’s all too much for my senses to hold in with composure. And then, we see it.

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Are Antidepressants For You?

antidepressants

It’s no secret that the number of antidepressants being prescribed over the last two decades has increased dramatically. In fact, according to a recent government study, the number of antidepressant prescriptions increased by 16 million, up from 154 million to 170 million, between 2002 and 2005 alone.

Why such an increase? There are probably several reasons.

Drug companies try to reap as much profit as possible by developing new medications all the time. People see drug company advertisements for antidepressants on television and ask their doctors about them. Internists and GPs take the line of least resistance and prescribe the medications, while psychiatrists are paid handsomely by insurance companies for medication management. Also, doctors are not Gods and they do occasionally make misdiagnoses.

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3 Keys To Developing Inner Productivity

inner productivity

Looking at the number of books and articles on organization and time management available today, one would think the market for productivity strategies was close to saturation, and the demand for more would be dropping. But this doesn’t seem to be true. Instead, it seems like a new book, article, or seminar on productivity comes out every day.

Why are people still hungry for productivity advice, even with so many techniques on the market? I suspect one reason is that the existing literature doesn’t address one of the biggest obstacles to our productivity — the patterns of thinking and feeling that limit our ability to get things done.

Here’s a common example. As I’ll bet you know firsthand, it’s hard to get much done when our awareness keeps drifting into the past or the possible future — replaying arguments we had with a loved one, worrying about how much the bonus in our jobs is going to be this year, and so on. The “tips and tricks” productivity gurus offer us — more efficient ways to organize our e-mail inboxes, make to-do lists, hold shorter meetings, and so forth — can be useful, but they won’t do much to help us get more done if we can’t focus our attention.

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