Personal Growth & Transformation

How Asking for Help Makes You Grow

asking for help

We live in a society where we more or less consciously are told that unless you take care of yourself, no one will – at least in the Western world. You’re on your own. This can be exhilarating. You have the power over your own future. But it also implies that unless you do it yourself, you didn’t deserve it. You cheated somehow. We have all seen the lone wolf entrepreneur who single-handedly launches a successful company or two, fuelled by caffeine and applauded as a genius by us mortals. We’re almost conditioned not to ask for help.

When you have a problem, asking for help sounds like an obvious solution. Yet we so often choose to struggle with our problems alone, sometimes even going so far as to isolate ourselves or pretend that everything is all right when that is far from the truth.

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Breaking through Stereotypes

stereotypes

When we moved into our new house last year, our neighbor’s yard looked like junkyard material. Among the debris lay a rotting shed, rusted over RV, and stagnant water pool. To make matters worse, the only way into their back yard was through a shared driveway that passed through our property. Since we had children, we weren’t exactly thrilled about the situation.

Our concerns heightened when we talked to the other neighbors. We heard stories of vagrants living in the RV, playing loud music and keeping everyone up at night. The neighbors also claimed that the owner, while a “good person,” was often out of town, letting random friends have run of the property. Both claims seemed legitimate since we saw lights in the RV at night, but no one ever answered the front door during the day.

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Live For A Purpose Bigger Than Yourself

purpose

I was at an evangelical Christian wedding last year and the groom’s father made an interesting point in what was a very inspiring speech. He said the marriage was going to be strong because it would exist for a purpose bigger than itself, it would exist for God.

In the past I know I would have thought that this was stupid because I have never been a big fan of religion. I’m still not a fan of religion but now I understand the benefits of living for something greater than yourself. It doesn’t really matter what it is, as long as you are living for something you receive some major benefits.

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There’s No Magic System to Fix Your Life

How often have you bought yet another book or audio program or product that promises to revolutionize your life?

How often have you taken a seminar or class or course that sounds like the solution to all your problems?

How often has it worked?

We’d all like a magic-bullet solution to our problems. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, make more money, or finally get organized, there’s no shame in wishing it was easy.

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Don’t Study the Basics, Learn By “Grazing”

graze

If you really want to learn something, don’t worry about learning the basics first. Just go about gathering knowledge wherever you find it, doing things you like to do. Instead of trying to build a house of knowledge, one brick at a time, starting from the foundation, try to learn by “grazing”, following whatever attracts your interest. You will find that apparently aimless “grazing” will take you over increasingly familiar ground, and your grasp of the subject will naturally deepen.

At school we are taught that we need to learn things in a certain order, according to the curriculum, so that we can pass our tests. Learning is divided up into short spurts of activity, with the class subject changing every 30-40 minutes. The teacher decides what we are going to learn and at what pace. We are usually dissuaded from going ahead of the teacher to pursue things that interest us. We don’t have the luxury of staying with a subject of interest for a whole morning, let alone weeks at a time.

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Hold the Wheel and Drive

hold the wheel

When I look back on 2011, I see both the most painful and the most illuminating year of my life. I can understand now that everything needed to happen the way it did for me to grow as a person, but I still hope never to relive anything like it.

The year began with me attempting to cope with the humiliation of my failed engagement. To make it worse it was a failed engagement that practically unfolded under the spotlight, stage right for all my friends, family, and coworkers to witness. Every day I had to face the people I respected and loved while trying not to show the pain in my eyes. But there was no chance of that. Sometimes I would even disguise my feelings so that I wouldn’t have to acknowledge them, being unreasonably jovial or enthusiastic about something meaningless in the still turbulent wake of recent events. But as much as I tried to believe I was ok, I was not.

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What’s Your Mindset Costing You?

mindset

“One of the main weaknesses of mankind is the average person’s familiarity with the word ‘impossible.’ He knows all the rules that will not work. He knows all the things that cannot be done.” ~ Napoleon Hill

I was in NYC with my mom and had a short conversation with a woman during our bus ride. She was about 55 years old, used a cane, and was at least 75 pounds overweight. As a result of being hit by a drunk driver several years ago, she told us, “she was limitedphysically.” I listened to her story and understood her challenges. However, a different story flashed in my mind of Anthony Robles who won the 2011 NCAA Wrestling Championships in the 125-pound weight division. He also was limited physically because he was born with one leg but still managed to become a champion athlete and one of the most accomplished wrestlers in Arizona State history. Two people with limiting factors in their life, yet two very different outcomes.

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An Easy Step Toward Radical Transformation

easy step

A few years ago, I was a highly paid professional who was, from all external appearances, successful. I’d gone to great schools, gotten a job in a good law firm, and a house in the right suburb.

On the outside, I was smiling. But on the inside, I was stressed and miserable.

There was just too much to do. It was endless. Nonstop. And I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t see how the path I was on could lead to anything more than more stress, and more misery.

And that’s when I discovered a tool that revolutionized my life.

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Six Ways to Make a Change in Your World

change in your world

We want to have an impact. We want our lives to touch other people. We want our work to endure. We want the world to be a better place because of our presence in it.

But in the day-to-day rush of life, it’s easy to think that “changing the world” is an unachievable huge, even arrogant, goal.

In a world of seven billion people, we can feel very small.

Today, let’s shift the focus slightly. Instead of changing the world, let’s look at changing your world.

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How I Beat Anorexia

beat anorexia

About a year ago, I made a decision that not only changed, but saved my life.

I committed to healing my shattered soul.

I have been suffering from anorexia nervosa for 14 years.

My childhood had been anything but peaceful. Growing up with a brother who tortured me both mentally and physically every single day of my young life was nothing but hell.

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Honesty Can Be A Change Machine

honesty

This post is a mixture of several elements mentioned already on the blog: gratitude, the search for happiness, stress management – all of the psychological gremlins that seem to be perched on one shoulder or the other on a regular basis. I went through a life-changing experience at the age of 48 that centered on honesty: self-honesty, to be precise.

At 48 the wheels came off for me; I lost my job when the company changed hands and shortly thereafter my marriage imploded. This was a relationship that had been lifeless for years but when the specter of a permanent split hove into view I was terrified and scared to death. The couples therapy routinely became a place for target practice, but out of that and some other situations that I had to confront it became clear to me that I had very little knowledge of how I felt about things, how I treated people, and what might be the principal source of my fear.

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