Mind & Emotions

This past Sunday in Los Angeles, I spent a beautiful day with my Dad playing golf to celebrate his birthday. Although I was grateful to spend time with my Dad, the golf part was extremely frustrating. I hit a few great drives straight down the fairway, rolled a bunch of golf balls about twenty yards in front of the tee, and managed to successfully lose a lot of balls in the rough. Overall, I enjoyed very inconsistentresults. Since I only play once every three to four months is it even realistic to expect better results? The obvious answer is no but most of us do and then we are disappointed and make a false conclusion that “golf is not our game.”

Although I played tennis competitively in college and on the professional tour, golf continues to be a challenging sport for me (and many). Here’s the thing: I never practice golf and don’t make it a priority in my life. SO the obvious question is why expect anything other than inconsistent results?

Aikido changed my life. When I first started, I was hesitant and scared. I had trained in martial arts before, but I’d always had a mental block that held me back from giving it everything I had. I constantly looked to my trainer (or Sensei) for approval.

I was constantly second-guessing myself. But one day, everything changed.

How many times have you gotten right to the precipice of major life change only to fall back into old, comfortable habits, leaving your goals hanging in the ether? For me, it’s been countless.

Having fought so hard to overcome clinical depression, OCD and my battle with weight loss, I’ve roller-coastered all over the place. Every time I seemed to get to that tipping point, it felt like something would shove me full-force right back into my old habits! It’s one of the most frustrating experiences. You know change is possible; other people have done it.

I looked at my bank account online this morning and saw my balance is $-0.01. AAAAAAAACK!!! Intellectually, I know this is temporary. I know that it was caused by a “perfect storm” of bad timing revolving around deposits, withdrawals and a bank holiday. I know that more money is coming to me. But in this exact moment, I can’t help but feel panicked.

The trick I’ve learned, and the reason that I’m sharing this deeply personal, and potentially embarassing information with you, is that I need to make a distinction between “having no money” and “being worthless”.